Always Enough (Meet Me in Montana #2) - Kelly Elliott Page 0,36
a dream still? I was so confused. Pain engulfed me. Both physical and emotional. My head, my lower back, my heart. It felt all consuming.
When his hand covered mine, tingles zipped through my body, and I knew in that moment that I wasn’t dreaming.
“I haven’t had that dream in a long time,” I finally said.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
Normally my answer to that question was no. But I was tired of saying no. Tired of keeping it all inside. Tired of being alone and pretending that my life was completely normal when it was so far from normal.
I slowly moved to sit up, my lower back still hurting something fierce, but it wasn’t as bad as it had been earlier. Ty moved back, still crouched down, now looking up at me.
“I have this dream that I’m in the room with John.” Ty had a confused look on his face at the mention of him. “John was my fiancé. He took his own life a few years ago. Anyway, I’m in the room when he kills himself. It’s so vivid, and there are moments I can’t tell if it’s a dream or a memory. It’s really odd, because I wasn’t there when he killed himself. But in the dream, I’m right in front of him, begging him not to pull the trigger, and it feels so real. It’s unnerving.”
Ty took my hands in his but didn’t say anything, which, oddly, I appreciated. I hated when people said they were sorry or that it wasn’t my fault. I just wanted someone to listen. Someone other than the therapists.
“I had been out of town when John shot himself. My parents had this benefit dinner in the Hamptons, and they had asked me to fly to New York. I had no idea John was so tormented. So unhappy. A few months before he took his life, he had mentioned splitting up but then changed his mind. I didn’t see any signs. No one did. For the longest time, I blamed myself. My thinking was that I wasn’t good enough for him, didn’t pay him enough attention. Maybe he’d met someone else, someone who loved him better than I did. I still don’t know why he did it, because he didn’t say much in his note. Not knowing has been the worst kind of torture.”
My eyes met Ty’s. “I was pretty fucked up after it happened. I didn’t want to leave my apartment; I didn’t want to see anyone who was connected to him in any way. I lived in seclusion until Lincoln forced me out of the house one day and took me to see a therapist. She saved my life . . . truly, she did. I haven’t had that dream since I moved to Montana . . . until tonight.”
Ty looked down and then back up at me. “Do you think it was because I was here?”
My eyes widened in shock. “No. Not at all.”
Honestly, I had no idea if his presence had anything to do with the dream’s returning, but I certainly wouldn’t put that on Ty.
“Is it because you’ve moved on?”
“I haven’t moved on with anyone, and even if I had, I wouldn’t feel guilty. I know now I deserve happiness, and I know John would’ve wanted that.”
“But you have moved on. You’re with Channing.”
Laughing, I rolled my eyes. “I’m not with Channing. For fuck’s sake, Ty, I went out to dinner and to a bar with him. Did a bit of dancing, and that was it.”
Something that looked like anger flashed over his face.
I studied him, narrowing my eyes. “Did Channing tell you something happened between us? Because nothing did.”
“You kissed him.”
I jerked my hands out of his, causing a sharp pain in my lower back. “How do you know that?”
He shrugged. “I saw you kissing him; then he followed you into your house.”
“Are you stalking me or something? Oh my God, was that you on the horse that night?”
Ty rubbed the back of his neck, then stood and walked over to the fire. “I happened to see you that night when he brought you home—that’s all.”
“Well, you obviously only saw part of what happened,” I said, slowly getting up from my sitting position while I ignored the pain and walked over to him. He put a few more logs on the fire. “What you didn’t see was him leaving a few minutes later, after he used the restroom. Nothing happened.”