admitted that out loud. “I mean, there was, I just—”
Bethany quickly interrupted her. “No judgement. We lived in hell, Zara. No one gets to judge our actions or decisions. I wanted to die, too. I thought I would. I never imagined I would see the light of day again, let alone another human being. So, to be honest, with this whole baby thing, I’m freaking out just a little.” She pinched her thumb and forefinger together as she said this but knew the look in her eyes made it clear that her freak-out had gone way past “just a little.”
“It’s okay to be scared.” Zara reached out and took Bethany’s free hand and gripped it tightly. “No judgement.”
Bethany smiled at the repeated words. “Then, I’m terrified as shit, and if you tell Drake I cussed like that, I’ll lie through my teeth and throw you under the bus at an undisclosed time.”
Zara threw her head back and laughed. The room that had been full of murmurs quieted down as all the eyes turned to look at them. Bethany glanced quickly around but then focused on the other she-wolf.
“The truth is, Z, I went into hell not much more than a child. I never expected to have anything. The thought of losing everything I’ve gained now is horrifying. And now that I’m pregnant, there’s a part of me that mourns the fact that if Drake dies, then I die. But then there’s the half of my soul that is a part of his, and I wouldn’t want to live without him either.”
“If something happens to Wadim, then the amazing life I finally have is just…” Zara’s words faded off as if she couldn’t bear to speak them out loud.
Bethany completely understood. She didn’t voice any more of her own concerns for fear that it would somehow bring them to pass. “You and Wadim seem to be a good fit,” she said.
Zara’s lips turned up just a bit. “Soul mates.” She chuckled. “Who would have thought they’re actually real.”
“Right?” Bethany smiled. Her mind went back to when she’d first met Drake. She remembered being in the room with the cage, seeing him pace back and forth, constantly staring at her as if he were scared she’d disappear. She recalled how reverently he’d touched her, and he still did. Sometimes he still looked at her as if she’d disappear if he blinked. Bethany felt his fear and his pure joy at having his true mate, at having her in his life.
“It’s too much to take in sometimes,” Zara said, interrupting her memories. “Their emotions are intense. All I felt for so long was hate. And then I bumped into Wadim, literally, and there was this happiness that wasn’t just happiness. It was pure and full of hope. I didn’t know how to process it, and I still don’t know how to sometimes.” She looked at Bethany’s stomach, and then her lips tightened. “I can’t even complete the bonding.” Zara’s voice was filled with shame, and Bethany didn’t like that. Zara had nothing to be ashamed of.
“No one can tell you when to be ready for marriage. And that’s what it is to them, the bonding, the Blood Rites. It’s the Canis lupus version of marriage, and that’s a freaking huge commitment. Even though you know he’s your soul mate. You feel everything he does. You know his thoughts and he knows yours. None of that means you have to just rush up to the proverbial altar.”
“He’s been waiting for his true mate, Bethany,” Zara said softly. “They all have or still are. The males who aren’t mated, I see the way they look at Wadim, Drake, Decebel, and the others. They aren’t envious. They are awed and desperate for the same thing. It’s not a wicked look in their eyes, not a coveting look. It’s just so wanting, a longing that looks painful.”
Bethany knew what she was talking about. She’d seen it, too, in the unmated males, and it was difficult to watch.
“Wadim has his true mate, and yet at the same time, he doesn’t.” Zara sighed and slumped against the table. She rested her elbows on it and then laid her head in her hands. “I can feel his wolf’s longing. I can feel both of their needs, and yet I can’t get past my own fear. I know Wadim would never hurt me. But my mind…”
“Our bodies heal much faster than our minds do, Zara. And even then, every person heals