One of the biggest challenges you'll face is the "Why haven't you been married?" phenomenon. Dealing with this is simple: Ignore it. And pity the culture that looks more favorably on those who have bad marriages than those who choose to remain single. ;
—from 101 Ways to Cheat at Solitaire
en minutes later, they were flying down the highway in Nina's vintage VW. She had pushed aside piles of fabric samples and magazines to make room for Lance in the backseat. "It's a project," Nina had explained. What kind of project, Lance certainly wasn't going to ask, because he wanted Nina to stay as focused on the road as possible. Maybe it was the way his six-two body had been folded into the tiny car, but when they began to swerve between semis, he knew for a fact that he might die there, in the back of a bug, surrounded by pieces of velvet.
"Ro-Ro's coming," Nina said casually.
Julia wheeled around in the front seat and nearly kicked the car out of gear.
"No!" she yelled.
"Yes," Nina snapped back.
"Ro-Ro doesn't come to birthday parties," Julia argued.
"Ro-Ro sends recycled cards and dingy five-dollar bills."
"Who's Ro-Ro?" Lance asked from the backseat.
Julia buried her head in her palm then bolted upright again and exclaimed, "Ro-Ro doesn't come to birthday parties!"
"Well, she's coming to this one," Nina said with resolve. "She knows, doesn't she?" "That's my bet."
"Who's Ro-Ro?" Lance asked again, but the women had evidently forgotten he existed.
"But, how does she know? Mom and Dad wouldn't tell her, and they're the only people who ever call her. She's got her maids scared half to death. She doesn't even own a television."
"True," Nina said with raised eyebrows. "But the Georgias do."
"Oh." Julia slumped in the seat again and moaned, "The Georgias."
"You are a hot topic on the Tulsa bridge circuit today!"
Nina laughed. "I bet they crash the party just to get a look at him." She gestured to Lance in the backseat.
"Ro-Ro's coming," Julia said with dread. "And she's bringing the Georgias."
Nina joyfully added, "That's right!"
Lance leaned between the seats and yelled, "WHO IS RO-RO?"
Julia waved dismissively at Nina and said, "Tell him." Nina glanced at Lance in the rearview mirror. "Ro-Ro is Julia's aunt."
"Great aunt," Julia corrected.
"Right," Nina said, then carried on as if this was the beginning of her all-time favorite story. "She's Rosemary Crane Willis Fitzgerald, and in this town, she's famous."
"You call her Ro-Ro?" Lance asked, thinking he was catching on.
"Oh, heavens no," Nina said. "Not to her face. To her face, family calls her Aunt Rosemary, and vagrants like you and I call her Mrs. Willis."
"Why Willis?" Lance asked. "Why not one of the other ones?"
"Willis was the husband she liked best," Nina answered patiently.
"Hated least," Julia corrected.
"Whatever," Nina said. "She's a piece of work. Married four times. Widowed four times. Each husband richer than the one who came before him. Plus, she's tighter than a submarine and older than the hills."