like All the kids knew that Mimi let boys drink at her house, so it’s no wonder something like this happened hadn’t been a shock, but It should’ve been Rowan on the floor had literally made me cry. That kind of cruelty went so far beyond the thinly veiled judgment I’d finally begun to overcome in recent weeks. Now I wasn’t back to square one; I was ten paces behind it. “But we can’t move out of town, Rowan. My business is here, with a lease I can’t break. And playing on this high school team can get you a football scholarship.”
“Just let me stay home today. Please.” He pulled the phone back to his side of the table.
His suffering hurt me, especially because I blamed myself. I’d been lax about parties and imposed merely a stern discussion whenever he screwed up, creating an environment where he and his friends thought they could do as they pleased. Uncle Tommy would be so ashamed. Heck, my own parents might even be disappointed. They hadn’t imposed a bunch of rules, but they’d had more expectations of me in terms of chores and manners than I’d required of Rowan.
“Putting it off will only prolong your anxiety. Own what you did, and make your friends own what they did. You didn’t hold a gun to anyone’s head, and you sure didn’t force anyone to give Carter a hard time.” That was the truth. I’d made mistakes, but I hadn’t raised a bully.
My son’s shoulders slouched; his jaw bulged from grinding his teeth.
After I removed a tray of cookies from the oven and set it on the stove top, I crossed to him and gave his shoulders a squeeze. We both needed a hug and some hope. Harkening back to my cheerleader days, I tried to rally him. “Honey, I hope this is the hardest thing you’ll ever do in your life. Look at it like any other challenge—like building muscles. This is a character-building moment that may end up changing who you become, hopefully for the better. You want to be a captain one day? Be a leader now.”
He glanced up at me, doubt in his eyes, but grabbed for a warm cookie. “Why’d you make these for breakfast?”
I’d been up at dawn, racked with uneasy energy and needing a project. Using a spatula to transfer the cookies to a cooling rack, I said, “They’re for Carter. He loves my double chocolate chips. He also loves my homemade mac ’n’ cheese, so I’m making an extra tray to take over to Grace’s.” The last thing she’d be thinking about right now was cooking, but her family needed to be fed. “Hopefully when I go over there, I’ll learn what’s happening. The not knowing is killing me, and the hospital won’t tell me squat ’cause I’m not family.”
Those folks didn’t know that Grace treated me like family. Once she’d learned about my parents’ deaths and my lack of close family connections, she’d consistently invited me and mine to holidays, birthdays, and even on a few vacations despite never much warming to Dirk. She’d been the sister I’d never had, and I’d filled the hole that Margot had left behind long before that poor young woman died. Our relationship was one of the biggest blessings in my life.
Rowan shook his head. “That’s not a good idea, Mom. If the Phillipses aren’t calling you, they probably don’t want to see you. They probably hate us now.”
The sting of tears gathered behind my nose, but I kept them at bay. Our differences had always brought out the best in Grace and me, so I held on to hope that this time would be no different once the dust settled. “Grace is too overwhelmed to think of us now, but I can’t sit here and do nothing. Today is my only day off, so I’ve got to make it count. Now quit stalling and get yourself to school.”
“What if everyone comes at me?” His whole face looked three inches longer from the way his mouth and eyes turned downward.
“If you get harassed, go to the guidance counselor or to your coach.”
“Coach hates snitches.”
I shook my head. “This isn’t like telling on someone for skipping practice or pulling a locker room prank, Rowan. He’s an adult. He’ll be upset with everyone, not only with you.”
“Great.” Rowan rolled his eyes.
Ooh, I wanted to grab him by the chin for acting like he drew the short stick when it was Carter who’d