moment. She wanted the answer to her first question and didn’t, all at the same time. Annoyed with herself, she looked up.
“Why? If you were bored with me? If you were never going to claim me anyway?”
“Ahhh,” he lifted his gaze, nodding in realization. “You were eavesdropping on my conversation with Tavik in the shuttle.”
“Uh huh.” It seemed pointless to lie about it now. “You said I couldn’t hold a warrior’s attention and that you’d never intended to claim me.”
His smile was tight as he let her go and stepped back. There was blood on her dress but she didn’t care. She planned on burning the fucking thing as soon as she could anyway.
“I didn’t intend to claim you.”
His words punched what was left of her breath out of her lungs. Pain welled and she whispered, “But... why? Why everything then?”
“Wordplay, to try and deflect Tavik’s interest. But I was partially correct. I never intended to claim you,” he carried on, that soft smile heart-rending. “Because I was going to ask you to claim me. My heart and my soul will always be yours, Indra. You are the home I have never had.”
Slowly he sank to his knees in front of her, holding her gaze with his own. Spreading his arms again, he revealed the scars on his wrists. “I am Vesh. A warrior with no place in the universe but that he chooses for himself. A lone warrior. Many years ago I was cut from my clan, in spirit and,” he nodded toward his wrists, “in body and blood. I cast myself on the mercy of the goddess, letting her decide whether I lived or died. For years I wondered if she had let me live only to punish me further for my sins. But...”
He smiled as he reached for the dagger at his belt. “I know now, she saved me for this moment. To be her champion and defend you, my very own goddess.”
She held her breath as he reached up, taking the braided section of his hair and cutting it off. He leaned forward and laid the braids at her feet.
“My honor is yours. I dedicate myself to you, body and soul. I... love you, Indra.”
Her heart swelled, eyes filling with tears. He hadn’t abandoned her after all. He... loved her.
“But,” his voice was like a whip as he rose to his feet. “That love and dedication will have to be from afar. I am not a worthy mate for any female, much less a goddess made flesh like you. I will honor my vows and return you safely to the Izal’vias, but then I will resign my commission and leave.”
Her world crumbled, the pain in her chest so searing she struggled to breathe.
“Leave? But... why? If you love me. Where will you go?”
He smiled softly, reaching for her but then stopping himself halfway. His hand fell back to his side. “I will seek admission into one of the sanctuaries for followers of the lady and live my life out there in solitude.”
“Well fuck me sideways.” She couldn’t help the harsh laugh, nor the tears that streamed down her cheeks. “The one guy I fall in love with and he wants to become a fucking monk. Sucks to be me, huh?”
“You love me?” he asked, surprise in his eyes as though that possibility had genuinely not occurred to him.
“Right now? No, because you’re a fucking moron,” she threw back, wiping her face on the voluminous sleeves of the stupid gown. It made no difference. The tears kept falling and since she was an ugly crier, soon there would be snot.
“But before right now?” he asked and then indicated the scene around them. It looked like the set for a low-budget slasher horror film. It was bizarre that the real thing looked so fake and set up. “Before you saw all this?”
“This?” She shrugged. “This was righteous. They were not only asking for it, they sent a fucking invitation with an RSVP attached.”
He smiled. “I have no idea what that means.”
Reaching out, he traced the line of her cheekbone with a gentle fingertip. “How can you see me as anything other than a monster after this?”
He expected her to walk away from him. To turn from him because he’d killed people. A lot of people, brutally and ruthlessly. This hadn’t been a battle. It had been a massacre.
“Do you know what they planned to do to us?” she asked in a low voice. “They planned to rape us