Something I’d clearly realized within the first twenty-four hours of knowing her.
“It’s just so hard for me to talk to people,” Odette went on. “I know I can be myself with you, and with our friends, but anywhere else it is so difficult to speak up. I can mimic what other people can do, but it’s hard to convey what’s really on my mind. Being autistic, I can’t decipher body language, or nonverbal cues. Facial expressions are strange to me… I have to guess what everyone’s thinking. It’s like everyone else is speaking a language I don’t know, and I have to make the rules up as I go, because I can’t pick up on the clues everyone else can.”
She sighed. “Being a kid was really hard. People thought I was too blunt, just blurting out whatever came to my head most of the time.”
“That’s not always a bad thing,” I said. I appreciated that quality in Odette. Too many people in this world wanted to pussy foot around, and it drove me mad.
“Because we think in the same way. I didn’t really have any friends that were girls until you,” Odette said. “Women are always really hard for me to read, harder than men. Theo was my only friend until I came to Arcanea University. I was bullied really badly in the Russian company. I just couldn’t figure out what the other dancers wanted out of me.”
“You got attached to me fairly quickly.”
“It’s because you’re so straightforward,” Odette said. “Others say you’re too brash and blunt, but I like that, because it lays out for me what’s expected. I don’t have to guess with you. To be honest, I can’t stand people who beat around the bush.”
I beamed. “Odette, you seriously are the sweetest.”
“Aw, thank you.” She batted her eyelashes, before she frowned. “My perfectionism is probably the hardest part. I know it gets out of hand. I just had to be the perfect dancer for Romeo and Juliet. I was starving, and I didn’t care. Nothing mattered to me more than being the best.”
“But it was killing you,” I insisted.
“I couldn’t see that. Or didn’t want to. Ballet was so amazing because I could control everything. The music was never too loud— the classes were small, so stimulation was just right. I could dim the lights, block out the rest of the world. It felt like a break from being me.”
Her lips quivered. “Now all that’s gone away. And in the end, all I really have left from that is...Theo.”
“I’ve told you before you don’t have to give up ballet. Just alter your perception of it,” I offered.
Odette wasn’t listening. She continued to rant. “Theo and I can’t be together. What if it’s awkward? What if… oh gods… the sex is awful? I can’t take screwing another man who has a super tiny dick. I had bigger balls than Igor by a long shot.”
Odette tilted her head. “Do you think Theo has a big dick? I try to look when he walks by, but I can’t tell... oh, what am I saying?”
She covered her face with her hands. “See how this is messing things up already?”
“That you’re wondering proves you want to find out.” I laughed. “But I have to say worrying about sex is the least of your problems.”
“You’re right.” The gears in Odette’s head worked.
“Theo is certain you have a mating bond. If you do, you guys are meant to be. Why wouldn’t you take a chance?”
“But what about you and Ethan?” Odette stuck out her lip. “You two have a mating bond, but it couldn’t keep you together.”
I sighed. “Ethan and I are very complicated. Theo might be running around in a mask with the rest of us, but he doesn’t have a vigilante complex.”
“Or a death wish,” Odette added unhelpfully. I scowled, and Odette said, “Sorry. Too much?”
Just a lot. I dragged Odette upward for the second time. “I’m just saying, you don’t have to make a decision now, but the more you push Theo away, the more intense your feelings are going to get.”
“And the hornier I’m going to get,” she said triumphantly. “He was doing reps at the barre in the studio the other day, and girl, those biceps.”
It was already starting. The spark in Odette’s eyes faded away as she said, “Speaking of Ethan… Emma, I think it’s time. We’re too late to save him, and if the demon takes over before you break your bond, he’ll kill you. It could