a tumor. Or cancerous love that could rot me from the inside out.
I think if we have a boy, I want to call him Sebastian.
XOXO,
Violet
“He didn’t want the baby,” I whispered before flipping to the next page, where a drawing of a mother holding her stomach greeted me. It was beautiful, the sketch meaningful and tender. I imagined Violet drawing it on her bed, barefoot and kicking her legs as she traced each intricate line.
“But who didn’t?” Kai asked. I kept flipping through the pages, searching for a name, for anything that would lead to who she was talking about, but even her diary was kept ambiguous. “You have to turn this in to the police. They don’t have her cell phone, but maybe they can find something from this.” I flipped to another entry and my heart sank.
Dear Diary,
I’m scared, Diary. And I can’t tell you why.
XOXO,
Violet
“She was scared,” I said. Kai ran his fingers over the words. “I need to turn this in.”
I closed the book, too raw to process anything else. As I hugged it to my chest, Kai and I watched the ever-rotating ball of light above us. Around, and around, and around it went.
A week went by. I turned in the diary to the police, but they didn’t call me with any leads like they promised. I wasn’t sure if I was thankful for that or not. I wanted answers, but I needed a moment to breathe. To process.
I went to school. I worked at the surf shop. I ate breakfast with my mom and saw my dad in passing. And I cried. I cried for baby Sebastian. I cried for Violet. I mourned the betrayal of her secrets. I lost myself in a pattern of my new normal, accepting a life where she didn’t exist, a routine not revolving around our friendship and her eccentric ways. I cried for myself. For our friendship. For Kai.
And I cried for Chase.
He hadn’t shown up at school for an entire week. I called him. I knocked on his door. I sent numerous texts and even threatened to call his parents, though I doubted they cared. He was hurting. Badly. I wanted to be there for him, but he wasn’t letting anyone in. Occasionally, I’d see Celeste’s car parked in the driveway at the Joneses’ house, but other than that, I had no clue what he was up to. It worried me, and I felt like I was failing Violet by not taking care of him.
True to his word, Kai made no effort to speak to me. He was pushing me away, but I caught his truck parked outside the surf shop occasionally. Lex hadn’t shown up again, but I felt safer seeing his old Chevy sitting there with smoke filtering out of a cracked window. Kai might want to keep his distance to protect me, but he was still near.
Friday night, I didn’t feel like being home. My side hadn’t been hurting, so I grabbed my bike from where I left it leaning against the house and pedaled instinctually to the place where I always went when I was sad, hurt, or confused: Violet’s house. Now, it was just Chase’s house, but my heart and my feet didn’t seem to fully realize that yet. I subconsciously took the long way so that I wouldn’t have to ride by the woods.
I could hear the music from a block away, and as I got closer, I could see the parking lot of cars and a bonfire going on the Joneses’ stretch of the beach. I abandoned my bike on the front lawn, kicked off my shoes, and started walking down the sandy shore toward the fire. I couldn’t believe Chase was throwing a party. What the hell was he thinking?
A group of people were sitting around the fire, and a guy playing guitar was singing off-key while trying to woo girls dressed in cutoffs and bikini tops. A large keg was buried in the sand, and I watched as classmates pumped cheap beer into red Solo cups. Girls giggled as I stalked by them, searching every face for Chase. He couldn’t talk to me all week, couldn’t show up to school, but he could throw a bonfire? What the fuck?
I kept looking for him and stumbled on pieces of driftwood on the sand. “Fuck,” I cursed.
“Watch where you’re going, Breezy Baby,” a dark voice said. I looked to my left and saw Chase lying in the sand with the