If Kai was just a kid, Lex would have been too, he was only a few years older. I was horrified at the thought that Lex was in that deep when he was barely a teenager, and he dragged his little brother down too. My biggest worries when I was a kid were my test scores and whether or not I could go surfing. I couldn’t even imagine having to go to school scared of your family, scared of the random strangers exchanging drugs for money, and scared that the teacher would accidentally find something she wasn’t supposed to.
“I physically left my family years ago. That first week of freedom was incredible. But then Lex came knocking on my door. He’ll leave me alone for a little while, but he always comes back. He still feels like he owns me. And I guess he kind of does.”
“I’m so sorry, Kai,” I whispered.
Kai got up from the ground and sat down next to me on the bench. We both stared at the light dancing on the water, letting the heaviness of the conversation settle between us. He broke the silence first.
“Breeze, you have to stay away from me.”
I rolled my eyes. The hero act wasn’t going to work on me. We were in too deep. We had too much to find out still. And after hearing that, I knew that Kai had been alone his whole life. Violet was probably the only person who cared about him, really, and even though I’m learning that she was kind of a shitty girlfriend, I didn’t like the idea of him not having anyone. Maybe it was my own loneliness amplifying his, but all I had was Chase and Kai right now. Mom was working doubles at the hospital, and Dad was trying to keep the shop afloat. Chase was lost in his own grief. We needed one another.
“No,” I replied softly.
“We need Lex to back off. If he had anything to do with Violet’s death, the only reason they knew one another was because of me.”
“We can play the blame game all night, but it won’t change the fact that she’s gone, Kai. And it won’t change the fact that I won’t let you push me away. I need you if we’re going to figure out what happened.”
Kai looked like he wanted to do anything but figure out what happened. I knew it was dangerous. Some secrets weren’t meant to be revealed. But I couldn’t live with myself if I didn’t at least try to learn what really happened.
“You need to let the police do their job and stay out of it,” he growled.
“I didn’t know her, Kai. I didn’t know that she was cheating on you. I didn’t know that she was pregnant. I didn’t even know she was friendly with Lex. What kind of friend am I if she didn’t think she could go to me with this stuff? I need this. I need you. So go ahead and push me away. You’re like a riptide, Kai. The harder you fight this, the more likely you are to drown. Just let me pull you. I’m fine with this dance, but you should know I won’t leave the shore just because it’s in your nature to temporarily distance yourself. I’m already involved. I’m already in it.”
Kai seemed pacified by my statement. I wanted to know what was going on in his mind. Hell, I wished I knew what was going on in Violet’s mind. Wait. I had unbridled access to her mind. “Oh shit,” I exclaimed before shooting off the bench and running to the truck. Kai called after me, concerned and confused about what I was doing.
I grabbed my purse and ran back with it, pulling Violet’s diary from the front pocket. “What is that?” Kai asked.
“Violet’s diary,” I whispered. “I found it this morning when I went to see Chase.”
At my explanation, Kai frowned but didn’t say anything. He pulled out his phone and turned on the flashlight for us both to read. Normally, I would have started at the beginning, but a gust of wind whipped at the pages, and my thumb landed on an entry toward the end. It felt like Violet was guiding me. I read it out loud.
Dear Diary,
When do you think life starts? Is it the moment of conception? Is it the moment you decide to keep it? He wants me to get rid of it. He calls our baby a collection of cells. Like