water and holding my hand through the harsh current.
I looked over at him, noting the teal board shorts and his sunburnt skin. How long had he been sitting out here? “You’re not dressed for a funeral,” I noted.
“I’m not going. Violet wouldn’t have wanted that.” He scowled. “With everyone crying in a room and her body sealed in a casket? No way. She was claustrophobic. She loved the open air.”
I couldn’t deny that. I preferred to spread her ashes here. “Hasn’t anyone told you?” I began bitterly. “Funerals are for the living, Chase. Your parents need you there.”
“Where were my parents when she died, huh?” Chase argued while kicking at the wet sand. “We both know they can’t stand to look at me right now. They blame me. Hell, I blame me.”
Chase cradled his face in his hands and sobbed openly. I would have joined him if I could force myself to. My emotions were numbed and dried up, leaving me nothing but an empty vessel of pain. “No one blames you,” I lied in a whisper. Grieving people said terrible things. They liked to lash out at the living because they were around to take the pain. I could only imagine the things Mr. and Mrs. Jones had said to Chase over the last couple of weeks. They were probably the same things I’d been telling myself.
“I hate this,” I said. “I hate not knowing what happened to her.”
At those words, Chase sat taller. “It was Kai. You saw how emotionless he was when we found her. I doubt he even cried. That psychopath deserves to rot in hell. They were fighting the night of the party, too.”
I squeezed my eyes shut. I hadn’t seen Kai since Violet’s death. I couldn’t believe it was him, but right now everyone looked like a suspect. I didn’t understand how anyone could murder Violet. She was the type of person to save lost dogs on the side of the road and give her lunch to the homeless. It just didn’t make any sense.
“We will find whoever did this to her,” I promised, though I didn’t know if it was a promise I could keep. I didn’t know if we would ever figure out what happened that night, and something told me I would never feel at peace until I did. Chase, too.
I reached out and grabbed Chase’s hand. His head tilted, and he stared at where our skin touched for a long moment as the sun blazed high above us. “Come on. Everyone is waiting,” I whispered.
“I told you. I’m not going,” Chase replied before turning his hand over and squeezing mine until my fingers throbbed. It hurt, but it was a good pain. It was the kind of pain that reminded you that there was still air in your lungs and your body could still feel something.
“Fine,” I said. “Then I’m not going either. We’re going to have her funeral right here.” I pulled away from his harsh grip and stood up. I felt Chase’s eyes on my back as I brushed my fingers along the friendship bracelet I wore. Violet and I made them for Christmas. Mine was full of teal and white beads, hers was pink. She was wearing it the night she died. They had found pink beads in the pig’s stomach. “Do you want to go first, or should I?”
Chase didn’t move, so I went to the edge of the water. I took off my shoes and stood with my toes in the sand, letting the water wash over them with the current. I stood there silently taking in the sunset. Then, feeling ready, I delivered my eulogy to Chase, the ocean, and Violet.
“Violet, wherever you are, I hope you can hear me. I love you so much, and I’m sorry I left you alone that night. I wasn’t there for you, and I should have been. You never should have had to go into the woods by yourself to find me. You were my best friend. You were the kind of best friend every girl should have, but I was the lucky one who got you.” My voice choked up as sadness overwhelmed me. It wasn’t fair. She shouldn’t have had to go into the woods by herself to look for me, I should have been there. I shouldn’t be saying goodbye. I shouldn’t be standing here talking to the wind. “You were beautiful, strong, and fierce. You always defended me and lifted me up in