of his fist against my cheek. The helpless way I accepted death. I felt like a dying bouquet of flowers. I felt like a beautiful arrangement of trauma. I didn’t know how to process it all. Lex. Violet. My father. The trauma of being kidnapped. Kai’s distance. Chase’s pain. My mother’s devastation. I didn’t know how to be whole again. Every painful event that led up to this moment stole a piece of me, and I didn’t know how to claim those optimistic sides of me back.
Today was the first day I’d woken up without Kai by my side. Five days I spent healing in the hospital with Chase and Kai. Five long, painful days. I was expected to be discharged today, and I hated how my heart sank with the pangs of disappointment when I didn’t see him sitting in that uncomfortable hospital chair, peering at me with love and praying for forgiveness. We talked some, most of the time Kai just said sorry over and over. I wanted it to be enough, but there was still a hollowness in my soul. I wasn’t in a healthy space mentally to accept it and move forward. I needed more time to process it all—without the fuzz of pain medication dulling my thoughts and without the bruises on my body and soul.
Maybe promises were just temporary dreams we clung to out of guilt. “He had his brother’s funeral today,” a tender voice said, answering my unspoken thoughts. Chase was packing my belongings in a suitcase and smiling at me. “You should be discharged in an hour or so. He wanted to be here but felt obligated to attend the funeral.”
I thought back to Kai telling me about the promise he had made to his mother, that he and Lex would always be together. I hated Lex, but I understood why Kai needed to go to the funeral.
“I understand,” I told Chase. “I’m starving, can we grab food on the way home? Hospital food is for the birds.”
“Now you’re speaking my language,” Chase chuckled.
“Am I interrupting?” my mom asked as she knocked softly on the doorframe. She didn't wait for us to answer before coming in, waving a stack of papers in the air. “Are you ready to go home?”
We kept saying home, but we all knew that we meant Chase’s home. My mom and I were still staying there. We didn’t want to go back to our house, and Chase liked having us. We were our own little makeshift family.
After my father’s arrest, my mom tried to get a hold of Chase’s family. She tried for days and was finally able to get through to Chase’s mom. It turned out that they had rented a cottage in Italy for the foreseeable future. My mom failed to keep the disdain out of her voice when she asked if Chase knew about that. She gave Mrs. Jones an update on Chase’s well-being, even though she didn’t ask for one. Then my mom asked if it was okay that we were staying in their home. She said it was fine and then hurried my mom off the phone to go sailing. After the conversation had ended, Mom physically slammed down her phone and walked out of the room to cool down.
My mom wanted to take the afternoon off to help get me home and settled, but a four-vehicle crash came in by ambulance a few hours before I was supposed to be discharged. I told her to stay and help. I was probably just going to fall asleep anyway.
Mom went over the paperwork with Chase and told him which medications to give me at what times. Another nurse came in with a wheelchair. I rolled my eyes, thinking there was no way I needed that. I had been walking to the bathroom on my own just fine. We only made it about fifteen steps outside of my room before I gave in from the pain and let my mom push me the rest of the way to the car.
“Take good care of her,” my mom said to Chase. Then she turned to me and said, “Don’t be a pain for Chase. I love you both, and I’ll see you later tonight.” She gave us both hugs and helped me into the car before heading back into the hospital.
It wasn’t until I was sitting in Chase’s car that the reality of it all hit me. Kai and I weren’t on good terms, but he had