about everything to someone, it’s going to be Prinie.
“This whole thing, what happened with us last year, it’s not the first time that’s happened… um, during sex.” Prinie gnaws on her bottom lip, but she keeps listening. “It’s a gratification thing for me. I honestly don’t know how it turned out that way, but somehow over the years, it developed and got worse. Uncontrolled.”
“You strangle women during sex?” Prinie’s tone is more curious than disappointed.
I take in a deep, centering breath. “The club girls did what they were told. In the beginning, they were hesitant. As you’ve seen, it can be fucking scary. But eventually, they all knew what it meant and how it would go, and they adjusted. They agreed to the way I did things, and they trusted me.”
Prinie winces as I continue telling the story. I know she doesn’t want to hear about my sex life with the women we both live with.
“But then one day, Zero had a talk with me because he’d had some complaints about me pushing it too far. This was before our encounter last year, and honestly, since his chat, I knew there was a risk, so from that chat, I’d abstained from any physical contact… until you… then again after you.”
Prinie’s eyes widen. “You haven’t had sex for a year?”
“It was too triggering for me, Prinie. All I could see was my hands around your neck.”
“If it makes you feel better, I haven’t slept with anyone else, either.”
My lips turn up, ever so slightly.
Somehow those words do help.
Prinie reaches out for my hand. “Thank you for opening up to me.”
My eyes widen, meeting hers, they’re glistening with unshed tears, and I haven’t even started telling her the hard shit yet.
This is much more difficult than I thought.
“That’s not all I need to tell you… there’s more, so much more.”
She weakly smiles, tightening her hand in mine. “I’m here. I’m not going anywhere.”
Those words hit much deeper than I could have expected. Knowing she isn’t going anywhere is exactly the boost I need right now. So, I steel my shoulders and prepare to tell her everything.
“Growing up, my mother was a low-end hooker. Her pimp would have men coming and going from wherever shithole we were staying at any time of the day or night.”
Prinie winces. “I didn’t know that. I’m sorry.”
I almost laugh because that’s not anywhere near the worst of it. “To keep me out of the way, she would drug me before the men would come over, so I wouldn’t… interrupt.”
She gasps. “How old were you?”
I cringe, gritting my teeth. “Young, too young, problem was most of the time the men who visited were drug-fucked assholes. They’d pay my mother with a fix and while she was passed out on crack…” I pause taking a breath as Prinie’s eyes flood with tears, “… the men would then come into my room. I might have only been semi-conscious from the drugs the whore gave me…” Fuck, this is so much harder than I thought. My stomach rolls as flashes, memories, pain slams back into my brain. Memories I have tried hard to bury over the years. “But I knew well enough what they were doing to me. Every. Single. Time.”
Nausea slams into me full force, and I dry retch.
Prinie quickly wipes the tears away from her face. “They abused you.”
I try to clear the lump that’s firmly caught in my throat, but my voice is more of a whisper now. “They took advantage of a young boy who couldn’t defend himself, and they turned him into a monster.”
Prinie lets out a whimper as she cuddles into my side. “No. That’s not true.”
I peek down at her pressed against my side. “I tried to choke you, Kharlie. I took pleasure from it, in that moment. If that’s not a monster, I don’t know what is.”
She gazes into my eyes. “Why? Why did you choke me? Where did it come from?”
I turn away from her.
Why is this so fucking hard?
But I’ve already started, I may as well keep going. “When I was sixteen, my mother drugged me again, but I was getting better at fighting back. At putting up more of a fight.” I exhale. “This guy came in, did whatever the fuck he wanted with my mother, got her high on Ice, then came after me. I was so fucking out of it I had no clue who he was, only what he was doing… because I was so high on