formulated in his head.
They were escorted into an office where Anna was asked to sit on the examining table and Ben sat in an uncomfortable chair in the corner. The last time they had been in a doctor’s office together it had been a very different situation.
The last time he’d been in a doctor’s office by himself he’d been making a life-altering decision without her. She couldn’t forget that.
Anna swallowed and started to wonder if what they were attempting to do was even possible. In the harsh light of reality, with the euphoria of her feelings stripped away she tried to imagine the two of them together.
Lying together in bed had been odd. Not horrible and eventually she had fallen asleep despite her desire not to, but it hadn’t felt natural.
Because it had been so new for them.
Maybe she was to blame for that. Not only hadn’t she shared her past with him, she’d also never done anything to change their future. She never suggested they go on a date. Never made any sexual moves toward him. Never once led him to believe she wasn’t completely content simply being his executive assistant.
He was right to ask her why she had held on to her feelings for so long. She couldn’t have said she fell in love with him immediately after starting work, but certainly after two years she’d pretty much locked up her heart against anyone else. Four years was a long time to hold on to something that big.
In those four years she’d worked with him, talked with him, joked with him and battled with him. All the while telling herself that what they had was good enough. It was better than most marriages, she thought. They had each other’s backs. They didn’t play games. They enjoyed each other’s company. They didn’t hurt each other intentionally.
What a crock of shit.
She hadn’t given him anything of herself. Her fears and her hopes. Only her brain and her time and her caring. That wasn’t love. That was the illusion of it.
He’d been her work husband. She’d been his work wife. They had settled into professional married bliss. What he probably thought constituted a fine working relationship. Yet, she thought it was something more. Something that entitled her to be part of his decision-making process when it came to his health. How naive of her.
“Are you okay?” he asked.
“Yes, fine.”
“You’re quiet.”
“So are you. I thought maybe being in a doctor’s office...” She was deflecting. Ben wouldn’t let something like his near-death scare result in a permanent phobia of doctors or their offices. He was too practical for things like that.
“Trust me. This in no way reminds me of my doctor visits.” He pointed to the pictures on the wall, which featured a steady progression of a growing fetus inside a woman’s uterus.
Finally the nurse came in to weigh her and Ben dutifully turned around. Then she took Anna’s blood pressure and glanced at the chart as she was writing it down.
“Blood pressure is a little elevated. Can you think of any reason for it?”
I’m embarking on a relationship with a man who I thought I loved for maybe six, but definitely at least four years, only to realize now I’m not sure what love is. Also, I’m going to have his baby.
“No, not really.”
“Well, it’s not too high. Nothing to worry about, but we’ll want to keep an eye on it.”
“Okay.”
“You can undo your pants and lift up your shirt. The doctor will be in shortly.”
The nurse left and the silence in the room grew worse. She forgot about the unbuttoning the pants part. The truth was there was nothing she would like better than to unbutton her pants. The push of the material on her stomach was making her want to pee and the grim reality was the pants were too tight before she’d needed to pee.
“Do you need me to turn around again?”
How awkward would that be?
“Hi, Doc, here is the father of my child. But I really don’t like him to see me without my pants on so I’m going make him face the corner. You cool with that?”
“No, that’s fine. Can’t be squeamish, right?” She undid the buttons of the casual black pants she’d worn and as soon as the zipper slid down she let out a sigh of relief.
“Getting too tight?”
“Mmm. Just a bit.”
He stood then and moved toward her, looking down at the belly still covered by what she called her granny whites because they were