make it work. You didn’t hear us fighting over whose turn it was to drive you to ball practice, who did more around the house, or where the money went every month; we were a team. What benefited one, benefited all.”
Oddly enough, Gail was right. Ellie couldn’t remember a time when her parents fought; they discussed, they debated, but they never fought.
Conversely, how often did Buck ever get mushy with Gail? It wasn’t unusual to see Gail touch him or kiss him, and Buck kissed her goodbye every morning, but it was always a peck on the cheek. On those rare occasions when he did kiss her on the mouth, it was little more than a brush. They laughed, they talked about everything, and they obviously enjoyed each other’s company, so it had never occurred to Ellie that there was anything wrong.
“I’m sorry.” As she ran her finger along the edge of her mug, Gail’s face blanched under the strain of what she was saying. “I know this sounds crazy, and I’m sure you have questions, but just listen first, okay?”
What else could she do? It wasn’t like she could form a coherent thought at the moment.
“Buck’s a good man, Ellie, and we make a hell of a good team.” Gail shifted in her chair and licked her lips. “And I know you’re going to want to blame him, but none of this is his fault. I knew what I was doing, and he never pretended to feel anything more than he did. He was honest and faithful, and that was more than I’d ever seen my mother have.”
Ellie set her mug on the table and pressed her hands over her face. This couldn’t be real. Her parents had always been Buck ’n’ Gail, a single unit, not Buck and Gail, two separate people.
As that ridiculous thought slid through her mind, she suddenly realized just how stupid it was, how much she’d taken her parents for granted her whole life, assuming they were both happy and fulfilled in their lives. In her own defense, though, how was she supposed to think anything else when neither of them had ever let on that anything was wrong? They’d let her and Gabbie live their lives believing that their parents were happy.
They’d lied.
Tucking her knees up under her chin, Ellie wrapped her arms around them and held on as tight as she could. “So why leave now?”
Defeat. It was a look she’d never seen cross her mother’s face until that moment, and it took Gail a couple of seconds to blink past it.
“Because all these years, I kept hoping things would change, kept believing he would come to love me the way I loved him.” She dug a tissue out of her pocket (never went anywhere without one) and blew her nose hard. “Part of me thinks he does, but he’s never had to show it, never had to express it, so he doesn’t, and we just keep on going the way we always have.”
“Mom.” Ellie’s eyes burned, her throat thickened, and her jaw quivered. “I’m just…I can’t…I don’t even know what to say.”
“There’s nothing to say, sweetie.” Gail balled up the tissue and pulled out another one. “I just can’t do it anymore.”
“All these years…” Dashing the back of her hand across her eyes, Ellie swallowed hard. “What does Buck think about all this?”
A sound ripped from her mom’s throat, somewhere between a painful choke and a laugh.
“That poor man doesn’t know whether to shit or go blind, so I’m still holding out a shred of hope that a little time apart will make him see me differently—”
“Hold on.” Ellie closed her eyes and shook her head before tipping a look at her mother. “You’re playing hard to get? Is that what this is about?”
“No. Maybe.” For the first time since she’d arrived, Gail’s eyes flooded with tears and a wave of guilt washed over her face as though she didn’t have the right to want more, as though she didn’t deserve it. Seeing that on her mother’s face sliced a long, thick gash through Ellie’s heart. “Is that so wrong? Is it wrong to want my husband to look at me like I’m the most beautiful thing in the world? Is it wrong to want to be kissed like…like…I’m a woman, not just a wife?”
“No,” Ellie finally whispered. “Of course it’s not wrong.”
“You think I’m ridiculous, don’t you? I’m almost sixty years old, for goodness sake, I should be happy with