“You brought this on yourself, you know.”
That was the last straw. I’d been a punching bag for five days too long. I snatched my book bag out of his hands and glared up into those blue eyes I’d once thought were so beautiful. Now they seemed pale and boring.
“No one deserves what I’ve been put through. I might have deserved your anger but I didn’t deserve the entire school’s anger. I did nothing to them. So forgive me if I don’t see where I brought a week’s worth of relentless bullying on myself.”
I spun around and started heading for the door. I was done for the day.
“Ashton, wait.” Sawyer jogged up behind me and reached for my arm. “Please wait. Listen.”
“What?” I snapped, not wanting my escape botched.
“I have something I need to say. Just listen, please.”
I nodded but kept my gaze focused on the doors I so desperately wanted to flee out of.
“I’ve been wrong. Letting them do those things to you all week and saying nothing was horrible. I’m sorry. I really am. In my defense I’m hurting, Ash. I didn’t just lose you, I lost my best friend too. My cousin . . . my brother. Everything came tumbling down at once and I couldn’t deal. I told myself you deserved it that you could fight your own battles. I guess I kept waiting to see the little fireball emerge I remembered from when we were kids. If I could see her then I’d understand more why you turned to Beau. But you kept reacting the way my Ash would react. You never fought back or retaliated. You just took it. And God, that hurt so bad. They were hurting you. The girl I’ve loved all my life. I wanted to jump in and protect you but the image of Beau touching your lips and you gazing at him like you wanted to eat him up flashed in my head and I became furious all over again.”
He let out a sigh and his grip on my arm fell away.
“I love you. I know the real you, too. You think I don’t but how easily you forget I was the one who bailed you out of trouble over and over again as kids. I didn’t ask the perfect Ashton to be my girlfriend when I was fourteen years old. I asked the only Ash I’d ever known. You changed all on your own. I’m not going to lie. I was proud of the girl you had become. My world was complete. I had the perfect family, perfect girl, perfect future. I let myself forget the other girl you once were. Beau didn’t forget her.”
I swallowed against the lump in my throat. This was the conversation we should have had as soon as Sawyer came home this summer. Instead, I’d run from the truth.
“I never wanted to hurt you,” I replied as I stared down at my tennis shoes.
“But you did.”
Chapter 24
One simple honest reply felt like someone had shoved a fist in my stomach.
“I know you hate me. I don’t blame you. But Beau. Beau needs you. Please don’t hate him too.”
I finally lifted my eyes to meet his gaze. A frown creased his forehead and he slowly shook his head.
“I don’t hate you, Ash. And I don’t hate Beau. I wish he’d come back. When I left the bar Sunday I didn’t realize he’d make a run for it. I should have guessed but there was you and I knew he wouldn’t want to leave you.”
“He loves you. He hurt you and he can’t face it.”
A sad smile lifted the corner of his lips. “No, Ash. That isn’t why he left.” Sawyer glanced back at the now-empty hallway. We were late for class but I didn’t care. I intended to go home anyway.
“Come on. There’s something I need to tell you,” Sawyer said as he turned his attention back toward me.
I followed him outside to his truck. It was odd climbing up inside without him opening the door for me and lifting me up onto the seat. But somehow it felt right. This was how it should have been all along.
Sawyer pulled out of the parking lot and turned his truck south. Apparently we were headed out of town for this talk.
“I went after Beau Sunday. I knew I’d find him at the bar shooting pool. It’s where he always goes to unwind. When I got there we said a few things and threw a few punches.” Sawyer glanced over at me and smirked. “I’d like to say Beau looked worse but we both know I’d be lying. I might have the throwing arm when it comes to football but he has me beat when it comes to throwing punches. Fact is, he could have really put a hurting on me. He spent most of the time blocking my punches.” Sawyer stopped and let out a frustrated sigh.
I hadn’t seen them fight since we were ten and Sawyer accused Beau of being a trouble maker, then saying he was dragging me down with him. Beau had gone to slinging punches that afternoon too. Sawyer had ended up with a loose tooth. Luckily it was a baby tooth and needed coming out.
“My Aunt Honey was there. It was just the three of us. She tried to break up the fight but we weren’t listening to her. Or I should say, I wasn’t listening to her. I wanted to see Beau’s blood. You both had denied it but I knew he’d kissed you. Heck, it’s Beau, I knew y’all had probably done a lot more. I hated knowing I’d finally lost you to him. It was something that always scared me. Even when you two didn’t speak much he’d watch you and when you thought no one was looking, you’d watch him. I’m not a complete idiot.”
“I never thought you were, Sawyer. I lied about Beau, hoping to save your relationship with him. I fully intended to walk away from both of you.”
Sawyer laughed but the humor didn’t reach his eyes. “You really think Beau was going to just let you go? Not in this lifetime.”
“He loves you,” I argued.