“I love Sawyer but I’m not in love with him. I never intended on forever with Sawyer. I just need to see Beau. The only dealings I want to have with Sawyer is getting him to forgive Beau.”
Honey nodded and reached out and patted my arm.
“I think I could like you, gal. Go figure. Me liking the preacher’s daughter. Crazier shit has happened.”
A smile tugged at my lips for the first time all day. She reminded me of Beau just now. Her amused expression and the same hazel eyes.
“I need to talk to him. Please, as soon as you see him tell him to call me.”
Honey nodded and went back to wiping the glasses. I stood up and started for the door. The letter I’d written him during Literature, apologizing and begging him to please talk to me, was in my pocket. The plan had been to slip it in his locker but he never showed up at school. I pulled it out and turned and walked back to Honey.
“Could you give this to him when you see him?” I asked, sliding the folded paper across the bar toward her. She reached out and picked it up, meeting my eyes.
“Sure, darlin’. I’ll make sure he gets it.”
Both my parents’ cars were in the drive when I finally pulled in well after five o’clock. It was time to face the music. No one met me at the door, which was a good thing. I stepped inside and I was leveled with my father’s penetrating stare. He was sitting in the recliner with the Bible open in his lap as he peered at me over his reading glasses. He was angry, hurt, and disappointed. I could see it all in his eyes. I dropped my purse on the coffee table and sank down onto the couch facing him.
“Glad you could finally make it home. Your brief text message telling me you were fine and staying the night at Leann’s wasn’t exactly comforting. Your mother has gone to bed with a headache from the worry.”
“I’m sorry, Dad,” I replied. I truly was sorry I’d upset them. Even if I’d do it again in a heartbeat.
“Sorry, huh. Well, you don’t appear sorry. I will say I’m glad you made it to school on time and even found time to make it to your Grana’s grave. Don’t look surprised. I visit it daily and I noticed the fresh rose on her headstone. Only you would bring her a single rose from her own rose garden. No one else would think of it. You’re a good girl, Ashton. You always have been, but this summer something has gotten into you and we need to straighten it out.”
He’d blame it all on Beau if he knew. He wanted it to be someone else’s fault. The fact his daughter was one big fake didn’t even register with him.
“Beau Vincent’s missing too. Everyone thought you two’d run off together. But then you texted you were at Leann’s and her dorm counselor verified the information when I called and checked. So you weren’t with Beau but it is awfully suspicious he is missing too, and Sawyer has a black eye. What happened at church, Ashton?”
He was asking but he didn’t really want to know the truth. No father wanted to hear this kind of truth. I shook my head. “I got into an argument with Sawyer and we broke up. I ran off to see Leann and get away. That’s all I know.” I was getting so good at lying. Not something to be proud of. Dad nodded his head and closed the Bible in his lap.
“Good. I’d hate to hear you were messed up with the likes of Beau. Breaking up with Sawyer is probably a good thing. You two were too serious and you have college coming next year. You need to be free of a boy so you can focus on your future.”
He stood up and sat his Bible on the coffee table. His green eyes met mine and he pointed to the book he’d just laid down. “Bad company corrupts good manner. If you read your Bible more often you’d know this.”
I watched him turn and head for his bedroom. I really wished he didn’t make me hate to read the Bible. Having it shoved down my throat all my life had made me bitter towards reading it. I believed it. But my dad had used it to his benefit too many times and ignored the parts in there that would point out his wrongs. Like judging Beau without even knowing him. That was in the Bible too.
Chapter 22
Beau
Beau,
I’m so sorry. For not calling you. For running off. For Sawyer. I’ve ruined everything for you. I was so selfish. I can’t tell you how sorry I am. Just please forgive me. I can handle anything else if I know you can forgive me. Maybe what we did was wrong. Maybe we should have handled it another way but I can’t make myself regret any moment I spent with you. You gave me memories I’ll always cherish. I won’t make this hard on you. I’ll let you go your own way. Just let me know you don’t hate me.
I love you,
Ashton
I ran my thumb over the words ‘I love you’ as I stared at Ashton’s letter. She loves me. Ashton Gray loves me. I’d left her thinking this was her fault. The panic in her wording was clear. She thought I could hate her? Did she not listen to anything I said? Had my actions not told her enough? I’d sacrificed everything for her. How could she think I hated her? It wasn’t even possible. The permanent ache where my mother had ripped my heart from my chest and basically thrown it at me eased some as I reread the words ‘I love you’.
Right now I needed her arms around me so I could cry. Cry for the man who’d been the only dad I’d ever known and lost at such a young age. Cry for the brother who I’d never realized I had yet loved him anyway. Cry for the only girl I’d ever loved, the only person other than Sawyer I’d ever have died for, and the impossible situation we were in. I loved her so much. I’d chosen her over Sawyer and I’d do it again. But things had changed now. Sawyer was facing the same pain I was. Maybe more so because it was his father, or our father, who’d cheated on his wife, ignored me my entire life, and lied to him. A tear rolled off my chin and I quickly moved the letter away so my tears didn’t smudge the words on the page. I needed to know someone cared. Someone loved me. Folding the note so I could see the words ‘I love you’ and her name, I pressed it against my heart and laid back against the bale of hay. Tonight I wouldn’t get much sleep but I’d have Ash’s words to keep me warm.
Ashton
High school had always been easy for me. Having Sawyer as a boyfriend had protected me from harassment. As I stood in front of my locker and took in the word ‘slut’ painted in red fingernail polish across the pale blue paint that had gone unmarred the past three years, it was a moment of realization. I truly had no idea what high school really felt like. Maybe I was a slut. I wasn’t a virgin anymore and I wasn’t married. Did that make me a slut? No one knew about me and Beau so the fact I was being labeled a slut only meant they were hinting at it.
I sighed and quickly did my combination and opened my locker. I was instantly glad it didn’t have ventilation holes. There is no telling what they would have tried to stick inside. I could hear whispers behind me as I pulled out my books for first period. No one spoke to me or stood up for me. Not that I expected them to. This was day three of Shun Ashton. I couldn’t really blame it on Sawyer because he wasn’t participating. He wasn’t taking up for me either but he wasn’t joining in on the fun. Everyone loved him and wanted to defend him. If ridiculing me made them feel as if they were accomplishing this I could handle it. It was only words.
As if I’d spoken this out loud, I was shoved into my locker from behind. The corner of the locker slammed into the side of my head causing me to go a little fuzzy from the impact. I gripped the side of the door praying I wouldn’t pass out. Laughter of the female variety ensued behind me and I closed my eyes until the pain subsided.