“Staying with him. Letting him touch you, hold you—GOD. It’s eating me alive. You may be keeping Sawyer from hating me but you’re only making me hate him.”
I reached up and clasped his arms, pulling them away from my head as I stepped back. Tears blurred my vision. “What am I supposed to do, Beau? You tell me. What am I supposed to do?”
He opened his mouth to respond and closed it as his eyes settled on something over my left shoulder. A possessive gleam came into his eyes as if to warn off any predators that might get near what was his. I knew without turning around who he was glowering at so fiercely. I didn’t glance back at Sawyer. I wasn’t sure what to say.
“What’s going on? Ashton never yells at people. What in the crap did you do to her, Beau?”
“It’s my fault.” Lana’s voice had me snapping my head up from my defeated stance as I turned to gawk at her.
“What?” Beau and Sawyer said at the same time.
Lana gave us all a dramatic sigh and shrugged her shoulders. “Beau was flirting with me and Ash didn’t like it. She thinks he isn’t good enough for me or something. They started bickering when she told Beau to leave me alone.”
I couldn’t believe my ears. Had Lana just lied so believably for me and Beau?
She smiled and nibbled on her fingernail like some flirty bimbo and smirked. “What? Might as well tell him the truth. You don’t think his cousin is worthy of your cousin.”
I tore my gaze off my shy, meek cousin-turned-drama-queen to study Sawyer’s face. Was he actually falling for this? Surely not. He was frowning at Beau.
“Beau, leave Ash’s cousin alone. She’s not one of your one-nighters. Go find some other rebound girl. There’s no use getting Ash all worked up over this.”
Unbelievable.
I glanced over at Beau and his expression told me he was past furious. He was ready to kill Sawyer. I stepped in between them, putting my back to Sawyer and pleading with Beau silently. I mouthed the word ‘please’ and watched the anger ease some before he turned and stalked off deeper into the pecan orchard.
I needed to make sure he was okay but I couldn’t do that with Sawyer standing behind me waiting for me to return to the field with him. Back to playing pretend. Back to being miserable.
“You okay?” Sawyer asked, closing the distance between us and taking both my hands in his.
No. I wasn’t okay. I was never going to be okay. Beau was off in the dark, upset and angry. I was stuck here pretending with Sawyer. AND I’d made my saint of a cousin lie for me.
“I just want to go home. I’m not feeling well,” I said, hoping Sawyer didn’t read any more into it.
“Of course. No problem.” Sawyer turned his head toward Lana. “You okay? Sorry about Beau. He can be difficult at times. Just overlook him.”
“That’s okay. I’m fine, really,” Lana replied. I could hear the guilt in her voice. This was going to eat her up. She adored Sawyer. Knowing that she’d willingly lied to him for me made my eyes sting. I was causing everyone around me pain. All my bad decisions were snowballing. At some point I was going to have to take the blame and deal with the consequences. I couldn’t keep letting people I cared about take the blows for me. I didn’t like the person I was becoming.
Chapter 18
As we stepped into my bedroom, I reached for the light switch. Lana walked around me and dropped her purse on my dresser then leveled me with a frown. She hadn’t said anything on the ride home. I’d been forced to carry on a conversation with Sawyer as if nothing had happened, while she sat silently in the back. Apparently, now she was ready to talk.
“I did that for you tonight not because I think what you’re doing is right or wrong but because I think you needed a wake-up call, not a crucifixion.” I raised my eyebrows at her explanation. “Sawyer’s a good guy. He and Beau have always been close. I can remember how thick as thieves you three were as kids. I envied your friendship with those boys. Y’all had something special. Something unique. I couldn’t just stand there and let it all come crumbling down. Besides, from the look on Beau’s face I’m afraid he would have killed Sawyer with his bare hands had Sawyer said the wrong thing.”
I sank down onto my bed and buried my head in my hands. This was a disaster. She was right. I was ruining a lifetime friendship. “What do I do?” I asked, knowing she didn’t have the magical answer either. Lana sat down beside me and patted my back. Which made me feel even worse. Here I was having a breakdown over two guys and she’d been out with me tonight because her cheating father had come to face her obnoxious mother. In the grand scheme of things her problems were much bigger.
“You choose one and let the other one go.”
It sounded incredibly simple yet it was impossible. Didn’t she see that?
“I can’t. Whoever I choose, one of them will hate the other and possibly me. Choosing one of them won’t fix anything.”
“You’re right. It won’t. You need to let them both go. If you let them both go then one day you all will have a chance of finding the friendship this is destroying.”
I hated that her words made sense. I needed to break up with Sawyer and we three all needed to move on. My chest constricted at the thought of walking away from Beau. Of not having his arms around me or burying my face in his chest. But I couldn’t have him. Having him would eventually mean losing him. He’d never get over losing Sawyer. Me, he could live without. A hot tear rolled off my chin and I reached up and wiped it away. I’d made this mess; it was only right I fix it.
“You’re right,” I whispered, staring straight ahead, “but I wish you weren’t.”
A soft knock on the door reminded me of the other issues going on in the house tonight. I reached over and squeezed Lana’s hand before the door opened and her mother stepped inside. Her hair was the same color as mine and my mother’s but that was as far as family resemblance went. Where my mother was thin and petite my aunt was heavy, big boned and wore a permanent scowl. She never seemed happy. Even before she’d caught her husband cheating on her. She hadn’t been here when we got home. Mom and Dad had also been missing. From the sounds coming down the hall everyone was back.