Beau stepped back and motioned me to step inside. I dropped my gaze from his and walked into his trailer for the second and last time. I’d never be able to come back. Not with Sawyer. I wouldn’t be able to forget the breakfast we’d shared over his kitchen table. The laughter and the way his jaw worked when he chewed. I’d been fascinated watching him eat that morning. Then last night. I’d never be able to forget last night and the things we’d done in this room. In his bedroom. In the hallway. Oh God, how was I supposed to let him go?
The door closed behind me and I stood staring at the table. A box of opened cereal sat by an empty bowl. Beau’s arms slipped around my waist. I knew I should step away but I couldn’t make myself. This was home. Being in his arms like this was where I found peace. Knowing this was the last time he would ever touch me made the moment bittersweet. I inhaled deeply, soaking in his smell, his warmth, the feel of his hands against my stomach.
“We knew this day was coming. It’s just sooner than expected. I’ve been thinking about it and I want you to let me talk to him. I think I can.”
“No,” I said, stopping him. I had to say something before he said too much. His planning was pointless. There was nothing to plan.
He turned me around to face him then slipped his hands into my hair. I watched helplessly as his head lowered until his lips touched mine. I knew I needed to stop him but all I could do was kiss him back greedily. The soft rumbling moan in his chest made my knees weak. Closing my eyes tightly I pushed away from him.
“I can’t be with you, Beau.” I didn’t open my eyes. Seeing his face as I said the words I knew had to be said would kill me. He didn’t speak or reach out to touch me. I knew he was waiting on me to finish. I took a shaky breath. “I love Sawyer. I can’t hurt him. I’m sorry.” There was so much more I wanted to say. So many things I’d practised on the way over here but the lump in my throat was fighting against me.
“Okay,” he replied in almost a whisper.
Slowly I lifted my head and opened my eyes to see his face. “Okay” wasn’t exactly what I’d expected from him. My breath caught as I took in his expression. He didn’t look hurt. He didn’t even appear upset. Instead he looked . . . bored. I was fighting off the need to cry all over myself and he was completely unfazed. Instead of relief, my heart shattered.
Could it all have meant so little to him? He’d said he loved me. Why would he lie about that? I watched as he pulled his phone out of his pocket and started texting someone. I wanted to scream at him to show some emotion. To show me he cared for me. That this was hard for him too. I’d thought he would fight for me.
His hazel eyes lifted to glance up at me. “I need to make a call. If that’s all you needed.” He nodded his head toward the door as if asking me to leave. Numbly I walked past him without a word. He didn’t even say goodbye.
Chapter 11
Beau
The moment I heard Ashton’s car crank, I threw the phone in my hand against the wall. It fell to the floor in pieces. I knew how it felt. Shattered. Broken. Destroyed. I’d been so sure she loved me. Even though she’d never uttered the words, I’d been so damn sure she wanted me, not my perfect, polished cousin. Never before in my life had I hated Sawyer, but right now, I hated him. I hated him for taking her. I hated him for controlling her. I hated him because he had her love.
A roar filled the room and I barely recognized the angry snarl coming from my mouth. I wouldn’t be able to stay here. How could I watch them? How could I go to school and see him touch her? Hold her hand? Oh God, kiss her mouth! Did she care she’d just destroyed me? Had this all been a little game to her? Pass the time with the bad boy while the prince is away?
DAMMIT, ASH.
My mangled cell phone began ringing. Panicked it could be her, that she could’ve changed her mind, I ran over to it and fumbled with the battery, holding it in place while I pressed the accept button several times before it worked. The screen was black.
“Hello.”
“Guess who’s home early and ready to get your lazy ass in the gym pumping weights first thing in the morning?” Sawyer’s chipper voice came over the line and I fought the instinct to throw the phone against the wall again. What did I say to him? How did I begin to act like I was happy he was home?
“Beau? You there?”
“Yeah, I’m here.”
“What is it with everyone? Could someone act happy about me coming home early?”
I tampered down the small ray of hope trying to break into my thoughts. Surely he didn’t mean Ashton. “I’m sure your . . . Ash is happy you’re back,” I said. I wondered if he noticed I’d stopped myself from calling her his girlfriend. I wasn’t able to accept that anymore. He let out a frustrated sigh.
“No, she seemed distracted. I just found out about her Grana. Man, I hate I wasn’t here. I guess she’s upset about that and I’m being selfish wishing she’d acted happy about seeing me. Have you seen her? Is she doing okay?”
I had to be careful. She’d made her decision. Didn’t mean I couldn’t change her mind but I had to be careful. I had to protect her.
“She’s upset. We’ve bumped into each other some. She helped me and Nicole out one night when I’d had too much to drink. Gave us a ride home. I also went to the church last night to pay my respects and all. I remember her Grana. She was good to me.”
Sawyer sighed. “Thanks, man. I appreciate you going. I know it meant a lot to Ash.” I slammed my fist against the wall. I didn’t need him to thank me. I hadn’t done it for him.
“Well, I’ll see ya at the funeral then?”
No, I wasn’t ready to see them together. Watching Sawyer touch her might send me into a blind rage at her Grana’s funeral.
“I got some stuff to do. I went last night but you’re back and I did my duty.”
“Okay. Well, thanks again. I’m not kidding about the weight room tomorrow morning. I need to get your beer gut in shape.”