He was right. We’d been through it all together. I looked out the window and watched as Daddy sat down on the tailgate of his farm truck to drink some water. He was refusing to stop living. This was what he wanted. As angry as I had been when I found out he was refusing to take treatments I couldn’t stay mad at him. It was his life. This was how he wanted his last days to go and I couldn’t take that from him.
“I love that man,” I said more to myself than anyone.
“He loves you too. You’re his world, Eva. You always have been,” Jeremy’s voice was laced with sadness. He loved my daddy too. It was hard not to.
“When Cage leaves tomorrow I’m gonna need you,” I said quietly. I knew I’d made it this week because I’d had Cage’s arms to run to when the pain was too much.
“And I’ll be here,” he assured me.
“I’m going to go visit with Daddy,” I said as I stepped outside.
* * *
Daddy turned his head to see me walking toward him. A smile touched his face. Seeing that smile warmed me. He wasn’t smiling as much these days.
“Hey, Daddy,” I said as I pulled myself up to sit beside him on the tailgate.
“Hey, baby girl,” he replied and reached over to pat my knee.
“It’s hot out today. Normally doesn’t get this hot until July,” I said reaching for the ice towel in Daddy’s cooler and handing it to him. “Cool off.”
He didn’t argue. He took the towel and wiped his face and neck then rolled it up to rest on his neck. “Jeremy inside hiding?” Daddy asked with a grin.
“Probably,” I replied. He always accused Jeremy of hiding when he went to take a break and get a drink.
“Cage was gonna help me with those hay bails those afternoon. When’s he gonna get back?”
Cage had been helping Daddy all week. It was as if it was last summer again... but it wasn’t. This time my dad was working with Cage and I was allowed near Cage... and my daddy was sick. “He should be back soon. He had to go take care of some things and get more of my things.” I trailed off because Daddy liked to try and talk me into leaving here when he got a chance.
He let out a weary sigh and I knew he was about to say something he knew I didn’t want to hear. I prepared myself for him telling me I needed to leave again. “I know you want to stay with me. I understand it. And honestly I’m glad you do. I want to spend as much time with you as I can. You’re the most important thing in my life. You know that right?”
I wasn’t going to cry. I couldn’t do that to him. He needed to talk and I had to be strong enough to let him. I nodded instead.
“Good. ‘Cause I need to say something that you’re not gonna wanna hear. But I love you and I want you to always be happy. I know Cage makes you happy. He may not have been my choice for you but he loves you like a crazy man. I’ve seen it all over his face this week. He’ll do anything you ask him to including go jumping off a bridge. So, I am telling you this cause someone needs to. You gotta let that boy go, baby girl. He came here last summer because he had a plan. He had one chance to get the future he wants and even though he is a rascal he is a smart boy. He got what he wanted. But if you ask him to let it go he will. In a heartbeat. Don’t make him choose. Let him go. Make it okay for him to go take that dream he fought for. Do it ‘cause you love him.”
Daddy and Jeremy had always thought alike. I should have known this was bothering Daddy, too. It warmed my heart to know my daddy was thinking of Cage’s best interest. Not just mine. I wanted my daddy to love Cage too.
“I’m talking to him tonight. He’ll be going tomorrow. I’m not giving him a choice. I’m not breaking things off. We will just do the long distance thing.”
Daddy didn’t say anything more. He reached over and took my hand in his. We sat there and looked out over the fields in silence. I knew we were both thinking about the future neither of us wanted to talk about. I couldn’t imagine a future without Daddy in it. I wasn’t ready to talk about it.
“The day you were born your momma handed you to me and said with that saucy smile of hers, ‘You didn’t get that boy you wanted but I’m willing to bet that this little girl will own you before we even get her home.’” Daddy chuckled and shook his head. “She was right. I never imagined someone so small could control me so completely. When you were learning to walk I swear each time you fell down I fell to my knees with you. When you first said Dada I cried like a baby. Then the day I had to take you to kindergarten and you held onto my leg. I was so tempted to pick you up and run back home where you were safe and happy. Josh and Jeremy had shown up and eased you away from me. But I’d gone home and cried again. I was the first parent in line to pick you up at the end of the day. You were all pigtails and smiles. You chattered the whole way home about playdough and story time. You hated nap time something fierce.” He stopped and let out another low chuckle.
“I love you, Daddy,” I managed to whisper through the lump in my throat.
“I love you too, baby girl.”
CAGE
I waited for Eva to speak first. She’d been quiet through dinner. When Wilson went to bed right after he’d finished eating, I’d seen the look he gave her. It had been an unspoken question. Eva had simply nodded and he’d kissed the top of her head before leaving the room. Nothing about that eased my mind. Not with the tense way Eva was holding her body. But I was waiting on her to talk.
She stopped walking when we got to the swing down behind the barn. We were out of viewing distance from any window in the house. That made me ease up a little. I didn’t want to have to worry about upsetting Wilson. Because I sure as hell wasn’t gonna like what she was about to say. I could see it all over her face.
“Swing with me,” she said simply.
“I don’t think I can sit down just yet. I need you to say what it is you brought me out here to say first,” I said. I was nervous. I might need to pace some. Sitting wasn’t an option.
Eva walked over and wrapped her arms around my waist and for a moment I was okay. Then she opened her mouth. “I want you to go to Tennessee. Tomorrow. You’ve waited a week already. No more putting them off. You leave tomorrow. Without me.”