“I’m right here, Daddy,” I said, walking over to him.
“Do you want to go into the room and speak with the doctor with me? If you don’t want to then you don’t have to but he can explain it better than I can.”
I nodded wondering if I needed Jeremy with me in case I started to melt down again. Daddy didn’t mention Jeremy going in with us. This was just us then. I could be strong for him. My phone started ringing in my purse. I handed it to Jeremy.
“That’s Cage. He’s probably here. Could you talk to him and bring him up here to wait with you?”
Jeremy nodded and took my purse and walked back to the waiting area where he’d taken me earlier. I would have Cage when I came out of this room. He’d be here and he’d make everything okay.
I reached down and grabbed Daddy’s hand as we walked into the room the nurse directed us to. I didn’t let go of his hand as we walked over to sit down in the two chairs sitting beside each other against the wall. We were in an examination room. Were they going to give him a treatment today? Was he taking something that would make this all go away?
“I want you to listen to what the doctor has to say. Then I want you to listen to me. Can you do that, Eva? ‘Cause what you’re gonna hear ain’t gonna be easy, baby girl. It’s gonna be tough. I need you to be tougher.”
I managed a nod although I wasn’t sure I could be tough. Not with this. Daddy reached down and took my hand and held it between both of his. I always thought my daddy had the biggest hands. He could beat anything. Noting was bigger than him. But this was.
“We’re gonna be okay, me and you. We always are,” he told me.
We sat there and waited together without saying anything else. I leaned my head on his shoulder and we just waited.
CAGE
The elevator door opened on the third floor and Jeremy was standing there holding Eva’s purse waiting on me. I didn’t have to ask to know this was bad. The look on his face said it all. Damn, this was gonna break Eva. She loved her daddy.
“Where is she?” I asked looking around. Instead of seeing Eva I saw several Chemo patients. My stomach twisted. Oh f**k. This was not good. “Oh, no, man. Please tell me this ain’t what I think it is,” I said looking back at Jeremy.
“No. It’s actually worse,” he replied.
“How the hell is it worse?” The ache in my heart and need to go find Eva and hold her was overwhelming. I needed to sit down. “Is she with him?”
“Yeah. She went back with her dad to see the doctor. He’ll tell her everything and I’m gonna warn you now she’s gonna be a mess. A complete mess.”
“He’s on the chemo floor. They can beat this shit these days. Can’t they? I mean I hear about it all the time.” He had to beat this. Eva wouldn’t be able to bear it if he didn’t.
“He isn’t taking treatments. He refuses to. He found out two months ago,” Jeremy’s words sliced through me. Holy f**k! What was the man thinking? He was gonna kill Eva.
“Why? Why won’t he try and beat this? His gonna kill her.”
“He was only promised maybe six more months with the treatments. It’s too far gone. He said he don’t wanna spend his last days sick from the treatments. He wants to spend it at home not in a hospital.”
This couldn’t be happening. Not this. Eva wasn’t strong enough to handle this. Didn’t God have a f**king limit on how much loss one person could take. She’d lost her momma then she’d lost Josh. It wasn’t fair dammit. I couldn’t sit here I stood up and walked over to the window. I had to calm down. I was furious at the f**king universe and there wasn’t a damn thing I could do about that.
“Why her? Why does she always gotta lose someone?” I swore and slammed my hand down on the window seal.
“It sucks. She’s been dealt too much shit. I lost Josh. I can’t imagine losing my parents, too.”
She wouldn’t be leaving with me now. No. . . neither of us would be leaving. I couldn’t leave her to deal with this alone. She needed me and I needed her.
“I won’t leave her side. She’s not losing me,” I said more to myself than anyone else.
“Good. She’s gonna need you.”
“She’s got me. Always.”
“Eva doesn’t deal well with grief. Just remember that. No matter how hard it gets remember that. Josh was with her when she lost her mom. He and I both were. She was a kid but she lost herself for awhile. Josh reminded her how to live. When she lost Josh I thought I’d never get her back. I went through the motions and stayed by her side but she was lost. . . until you came. You helped her find life again. I figure you’re the only one who can pull her through this. I wasn’t enough with Josh but you were.”
“Nothing she does will push me away,” I swore.
We stood there in silence. My thoughts on Eva and what she would face over the next few months. My heart breaking for her with every second that ticked by. Hurting for myself was one thing. Hurting for Eva was deeper. The pain was harder. I didn’t want her to hurt.