The doors swung closed behind the doctor and nurses who surrounded Harlow as they wheeled her unconscious body on a gurney away from me. They wouldn’t let me go any farther. I was numb with pain and terror. My life had just rolled away behind those doors, with no promise of return.
I stared through the small windows of the doors and watched the gurney disappear around a corner. I had to wait here. That was all they had said. Nothing more. They didn’t tell me if I would see Harlow’s smile again. They didn’t tell me if she’d ever open her eyes again. And they didn’t tell me if Lila Kate was ever going to see this world.
I knew nothing except that my heart and soul were back there somewhere with Harlow.
“Grant.” Rush’s voice called out to me, but I didn’t turn around. I kept my eyes trained on that window. It was my only connection to where they had taken Harlow. Arms wrapped around me, and one large hand rested on my shoulder. I hadn’t called anyone. I didn’t know how Blaire and Rush even knew. If I could speak, I’d ask them, but I wasn’t able to do that just yet. I was scared to do anything. I needed to focus on this door. I have to will her to live for me. To come back to me.
“Bethy saw the ambulance leaving your house on her way home from work. She called us,” Blaire said, without my having to ask. “She’s with Nate now. Woods and Della are on their way, and Rush is going to call Mase now. We thought we’d let him call Kiro.” Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Rush nod, then head off to make the call.
Kiro. That was my one reprieve. I wouldn’t have to live without Harlow, because if she didn’t make it, Kiro was going to take my life, too. I would hand him my gun if he wanted it.
“Do we know anything?” Della asked as I heard footsteps running toward us. I didn’t look at her. I had to keep watching these doors. This window.
“No. Rush just went to call Mase. I was going to have him ask. I figured he could get someone to talk.”
“Woods will do it,” Della said.
I felt a squeeze on my shoulder. “I’ll be right back,” Woods said. “We’re here, man. It’s gonna be OK. She’s a fighter.”
I managed what I thought was a nod or something close. Because I wasn’t sure it would be OK. I wasn’t sure if anything would ever be OK again.
“Mase is on his way,” Rush said, walking up to stand beside me. “This place is about to be full of people. I’m sorry, but they all love you and Harlow. She’s a part of us now.”
She was the best part. But I didn’t say that.
After a gentle squeeze of my arm, Blaire finally let go of her hold on me. “Come sit down,” she said gently.
“No. I have to see.” I wasn’t going to explain more than that. I just wasn’t moving from this spot.
“Y’all go have a seat. I’ll stay here with him,” Rush said, seeming to understand my need to watch out for her.
The crowd slowly moved away, but Rush remained by my side. I wouldn’t tell him this, but I needed him. Just having him there beside me helped. I felt stronger. I felt like I might not shatter into a million pieces while waiting for Harlow if I had him there, helping me hold it together.
I hadn’t bothered with calling my dad. He hadn’t asked me about Harlow since that phone call months ago. He didn’t bother to care what I was doing with my life. He just cared about me doing my job. Eventually, I would have to call him. He’d have to know why I wasn’t going to work.
“She’s in surgery. That’s all I got. They will let us know more soon,” Woods said.
She was in surgery. I wasn’t there to hold her hand. I wasn’t there to tell her she was going to be OK. She was alone. She needed me.
“She needs me,” I choked out.
“She needs you to be strong. That’s what she needs,” Rush said.
I knew that, but I wasn’t sure how strong I could be, imagining her on a table being cut open. What if they made a mistake? What if her heart couldn’t handle it?
“When we were kids, she had open-heart surgery. She was so damn scared. She curled up in Kiro’s lap the night before, and he told her a story about a princess who went to sleep. All she needed to wake up was the man who loved her most to be there waiting for her. And if she knew he was there, she’d wake up to see him.” Rush let out a soft chuckle. “I thought it was a silly story then, but after the surgery, when I was finally able to see her, Dad took me back to her room. I asked her about being put to sleep and if it was as scary as she thought. She shook her head and said, ‘No. I knew my daddy was here waiting for me to wake up. So I did.’ And it was that simple. She knows you’re waiting for her to wake up. I have faith she’ll do it.”
I wanted to believe I was her strength. That she’d come back for me. That she wouldn’t give up. But right now, I was so scared that my hope wasn’t enough. I kept seeing all that blood on the bed and her face go so pale, and then she was out. Nothing. Her heart had been beating, and she had been breathing, but mine had stopped. It was my worst nightmare come to life.
I heard more voices fill the waiting room behind me, but I didn’t move or look back at them. Rush stood dutifully at my side, and we remained silent. I watched that door, and I think he did, too.
Nurses came and went through the double doors. One stopped and asked us what we were doing, and Rush explained that we were waiting. She must have seen the determined look on my face, because she didn’t argue. She just walked away.
Several people came up to me to pat me on the back and offer their support. Jimmy, Thad, Bethy’s aunt Darla, and even Henry, the valet kid. I wasn’t sure who all else had arrived. I wasn’t turning my eyes away even for a moment.
“Have you heard anything?” Nan’s voice surprised me, and I tensed. Right now was not a good time for her to show up. I wanted her to leave. She didn’t care about Harlow. She had never been kind to Harlow. She had made Harlow’s life hell every chance she got.
“No. If you’re gonna stay, go sit down in the waiting area with everyone else,” Rush told his sister.