Harlow’s eyes finally lifted to look at me, then she glanced over at Della. “OK. I’m gonna go to the spa with Blaire and Della. We can talk about it later.”
She was still upset. Damn, I didn’t want her leaving me while she was upset. “Come home with me. We can talk. I don’t like seeing you upset. I swear to you, I didn’t kiss her. She startled me, and it took me a second to react. I feel nothing for her. Nothing, Harlow. You’re all I love. You.”
Harlow studied my face, then nodded. “It was hard to watch,” she said.
She could have put a knife in my gut, and it would have hurt less. Dammit, Nan. She did this shit to cause problems. I wished she’d kept her ass in Paris.
“You shouldn’t have had to see that. I should have been prepared for her to try something like that and guarded against it. I thought after the last time I spoke to her, she had gotten the message that I’m not interested. That I’m completely taken.”
Harlow gave me a small smile. “We have to go. I’ll see you later. Have fun playing golf with the boys,” she said, sounding less hurt and more relieved.
I bent my head to kiss her, and she turned her face so that my lips hit her cheek. She stepped back and ducked her head. “Sorry, but she’s still on your lips. I can see her lip gloss. I can’t . . .” she said, then walked down the stairs with Della right behind her. Blaire was standing at the car and pressed her hand to her mouth to cover a laugh.
I shot an annoyed look at Blaire, and she shrugged, then laughed again before getting into the car. Harlow glanced back at me as she climbed into the car and gave me a small wave. Then the valet closed the door, and they were gone.
Motherfucker.
To my precious baby,
You have so many people in your life who love you. I imagine that you love spending time with Nate by now. He’ll be someone you can look up to, and he’ll be like family for you. Rush was always like my family. Growing up with rock-star fathers isn’t easy, and Rush and I shared that bond.
I hope that you call them Uncle Rush and Aunt Blaire. I know that they’re going to welcome you with open arms. I can’t think of two better people to ask to be your godparents.
Then there are Woods and Della. They’re special friends, the kind of people I never expected to meet, but once again, they’re a gift your father gave to me. He gave me so many. I expect Woods and Della will have kids by now and that you’ll be friends with the Kerrington clan. When I was pregnant with you, Woods and Della stepped in and helped me out more than once. I cherish their friendship.
We’ve talked about your uncle Mase. He is going to be special in your life. Once he sees you for the first time, you’ll win his heart. I know him too well. He’s a big softie. Be sure to hug him often and tell him how much you love him for me. Even if I’m there with you, he will eat it up. He likes attention.
His mother, your aunt Maryann, was your first champion. She was ready to slay dragons for you, if that was what was required. Know that if you ever need anything and aren’t sure who to turn to, you can go to her. She’s wise and full of good advice.
Then there’s your aunt Nan. I don’t even know if you’ll refer to her as Aunt or not. I’m not sure if she’ll be in your life much or at all. I hope she is. I’m surprising myself by saying this, but I do hope you have a relationship with her. I think she has suffered from rejection so many times in her life by people who were supposed to love her unconditionally that she became bitter. It marked her. I want her to find happiness and a way to heal. Maybe we will both see that day happen. I hope we do.
So you see, you already have a family. People who are ready to meet you and love you and be there for you throughout life. You’ll never be alone. It’s the one thing that gives me the most comfort when I lie down to sleep at night.
Love you always,
Mommy
Harlow
The sight of Nan’s hands in Grant’s hair as she kissed him was tormenting me. Della and Blaire had spent the past several hours trying to get my mind off of it, so I pretended I was over it, but I wasn’t. All I could think was that Nan was healthy. She’d be able to give him babies with no cause for fear. Healthy babies. She would be here if I wasn’t.
The idea that Grant could love someone else someday hurt so much, but then the selfishness of that emotion made me furious with myself. If something happened to me, I wanted Grant to find happiness again. I wanted someone to love him and give him the life he deserved. I did.
Just not with Nan.
God, how wrong was that? What had happened to me? I was a nice person. I had always been a nice person, but now . . . ugh. I was disgusted with myself. I didn’t know what I felt. My emotions were all over the place. I was weepy all the time and clingy. I wasn’t a clingy, weepy person.
“He’s already home. I bet he’s been pacing and worrying his head off,” Blaire said with a smile. “Don’t be too hard on him. I believe Nan really did attack him. He’ll learn to keep his distance.”
I nodded. She was right. I knew she was, and now the idea of him being worried all day made me feel even worse. “I probably shouldn’t have been so hard on him,” I said.
“Yeah, you should have. He gets away with too much because he’s so charming. He needed to be reminded that he can’t let that kind of thing happen. If you don’t let him know it bothers you, it could happen again with someone else,” Blaire explained.
I trusted her. She loved Rush, but she had dealt with her own Nan battles. Nan was Rush’s baby sister and had grown up with him in their mother’s, Georgianna’s, house. Rush had spent most of his life babying Nan and taking care of her. When Blaire walked into his life, Nan hadn’t dealt well with that.
“Thanks for today. I really enjoyed it,” I told them.
“I’m glad we got to do it. I missed you,” Della said. Her smile was always so sincere and kind.