“I’m so glad you came,” I whispered, hoping the emotion in my voice wasn’t obvious.
“I miss you, Pagan, so bad,” he said into my hair and we stood there holding onto each other until someone cleared their throat and I reluctantly pulled back. Nurse Karen was frowning and she shook her head.
“Oh, come on Twitter whore this is more entertaining than the shit we have to watch on television.” Gee called from her chair.
“Twenty minutes, Gee,” Nurse Karen replied with boredom.
“I already lost all my f**king time today, Nurse Karen.” She glared and pointed a finger toward Gee. “Twenty minutes tomorrow and you will lose all privileges for a week if you say one more bad word.”
Gee rolled her eyes and patted the seat beside her. “Come bring Mr. Yummy over here so I can look at him,” she said with a purr to her voice.
“Gee, go help Nurse Ashley with the lunch preparations.” Gee glared at Karen and stood up with a sulk. “I was gonna play nice, you know, Karen. You’re just no fun, no fun at all.” Gee licked her lips as she passed by Leif and winked at me. I squeezed Leif’s hand and led him over to the farthest end of the Great Room where no television or board games were set up. It was always empty.
Leif studied me with concern. “Are all the people here like her?” He appeared traumatized. I chuckled and started to shake my head and thought better of it.
“No, but then she isn’t the worst one here.” Leif still appeared horrified. I smiled.
“They’re very entertaining once you realize they’re harmless. I feel so bad for them, Leif.” I shook my head.
“Anyway, tell me about school and Miranda and you. How is everyone?”
Leif’s face eased into a relieved smile. “You seem better already.” He touched the side of my head gently. “God, I’ve missed you.”
“I miss you too. Thanks for coming today. I needed to talk to someone from the outside world. Tell me, how is everyone?”
He gave me a sad smile. “We’re worried about you. We miss you and we talk about you all the time. Absolutely nothing else is going on.” I wanted to tell him I thought about them all the time, too, but the truth was I thought about Dank. I’d heard him last night. He’d been there, in my dreams.
“Did you bring my schoolwork?” I asked, glancing at the bag in his hands.
“Oh, yes, here you go. Can you actually do it here?” He glanced over at the two girls who’d recently walked in and started playing Monopoly. Apparently, they were having a disagreement and had proceeded to shove play money down each other’s shirts while yelling. Nurse Karen rushed over and started breaking the argument up. I heard her tell them how much alone time they’d lost.
“Why does she keep threatening everyone with time? Is that like how long you get time out or something?” I laughed and shook my head. “No, it’s actually the opposite. We only get one hour a day to stay in our rooms alone. It’s a punishment to get your time deducted. Time alone in your room to escape is coveted.” Leif let out a ragged sigh and shook his head. “You don’t belong here, Pagan,” he said, staring back at me with a frown.
I shrugged. “Just because I don’t throw fits, curse at nurses, and deal with voices in my head doesn’t mean I’m not dealing with my own stuff.” He didn’t nod in agreement.
His hand squeezed mine.
“I love you. I’m not going anywhere,” he said in a hoarse whisper. Tears sprang to my eyes and I gave him a watery smile.
“I know.” I wanted to say more but I knew I couldn’t.
“Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou, Romeo,” Gee called from the hallway as she walked toward the stairs with her arms full of towels.
I laughed out loud. “She’s harmless,” I assured Leif, and then thought about it a moment. “Okay, maybe not harmless.
But she doesn’t mean any harm right now.” Leif’s look of horror returned.
“Do you lock your door at night?” he asked, glancing around as if afraid one of them would hear him and come after him.
I grinned and nodded. “But only because there’s a lot of screaming and running at night. Night terrors and the like.” He shook his head and gazed back down at me. “Please, hurry and get better and come home. This is not where you belong.”
“I know.”
* * * *
The muffled screams began right after lights out was announced. I covered my head and blocked out the sound. I had waited all day to return to this bed and fall into a deep sleep where I could hopefully hear his music. I thought of the times he had sung to me and the times he’d held me and kissed me. My eyes drifted closed and the music began. I fought, wanting to open my eyes and find him in my room. He was there. I could feel him. His guitar played my lullaby and I tried desperately to open my eyes. It was as if a dark blanket was over me, and I couldn’t remove. Instead of being panicked, it warmed me. The comfort of knowing Dank was with me would be enough for now. His voice joined the strumming of his guitar. He knew I was here and he’d come to me. I wasn’t alone. The muffled sounds of screams and slamming doors ceased and all I heard was the music that helped fill the hole inside of me. I wanted to turn around and face the source of the music and throw myself into his arms.
I drifted off to sleep, unable to fight the drowsiness any longer.