She beamed. “Oh, good I can deal with that. Ya’ll are easy to handle. Me, I’m Bipolar. Mama had me brought in cause I tried to knock myself off a while back.” I stiffened, looking at this friendly person with the innocent farm girl appearance, wondering how someone like her could attempt to end her life. “Why?” I heard myself ask.
She shrugged. “Sometimes I get so sad that it jest sounds good.” She said this with all seriousness and I shivered. I never realized there were kids my age who appeared normal but dealt with so much internally. I sat my tray down across from the bushy brunette. “Nice to talk to ya,” the farm girl said, smiling.
“Not going to sit near me, Henrietta? Why, Henrietta, I do believe my feelings are hurt. I may feel the need to cry right here in front of the whole damn cafeteria,” Gee said, smiling at the retreating form of the farm girl.
“Leave her alone,” the bushy brunette hissed before sticking a spoon full of macaroni and cheese into her mouth.
Gee grinned back at the bushy brunette. “It’s so much fun to tease Henrietta. Sometimes I can even get her to say ‘I’ve had ‘nough uh yer smack talkin’. Now leave me uhlone Gee fer I tell on ya’.” Gee imitated Henrietta’s speech perfectly.
The bushy brunette grinned and swallowed her mouthful of food.
“So you aren’t crazy? I’m Jess, sorry about earlier today but I’m not into meeting the new crazies who come. I’m crazy enough and I don’t need any more crazy around me. I spend too much time with Gee as it is.” Gee grinned and stuck out her tongue, which also had a bar in it but this one was silver.
I stared, surprised by the appearance of her tongue and she cackled with laughter.
“Relax. Pagan. I don’t bite, at least, I don’t bite other people.” She laughed at her comment as did her partner. “I told Jess not to get all worked up over you. I’d seen you and there wasn’t anything wrong with you. But you’re interesting.
We can’t seem to figure out what it is they seem to think you have.”
I moved the food around on my plate but nothing appealed to me.
“PTSD,” I supplied, glancing up at her.
“Ah, so they think you have had trauma and it screwed with you. What’s really wrong, since we know you’re not a crazy? What did you do to get sent here?” Jess asked before jamming another spoon full of macaroni and cheese into her mouth. I glanced back toward the nurses who had now started patrolling the aisles.
“That isn’t something I really want to discuss.” I picked up my roll, hoping if I started filling my mouth they would stop expecting me to talk.
Gee nodded and then nudged Jess in the side. “Look over at Roberta. She’s about to take out Kim for touching her plate. Ah, damn, there is Nurse Karen. She’s taking Roberta to get a new plate and wash her hands.” Gee grinned over at me. “Roberta is the best kind of mental case to mess with.”
“She is OCD,” Jess finished for her, grinning. Apparently poor Roberta’s problem was a point of entertainment. Gee flicked her tongue ring on her teeth.
“Funny shit,” she said, grinning.
“Ten minutes tomorrow, Gee,” Nurse Karen’s voice came from behind me.
Jess rolled her eyes. “Why do you do that when you know she can hear you?”
Gee shrugged. “’Cause I can. Or ‘cause I don’t like going to my room alone. You know the voices in my head get a little too loud when I’m alone.” Gee flashed a grin at me and took a bite of her custard pie.
* * * *
I was relieved to get into the bed. After dinner we had been sent to meeting rooms for ‘Discussion Time’, which meant they encouraged everyone to talk. I didn’t want to talk. I had nothing to say. It had grown so tiresome that I’d found myself watching out for wandering souls. After no sign of one for hours, I realized I hadn’t seen one since I stepped foot into the house. Apparently souls were scared of this place. I couldn’t blame them. I could hear the waves crashing outside and I hoped that was the only sound I heard tonight.
As if on cue, I heard a muffled scream. I cringed and buried myself under the covers. It wasn’t that they scared me, but I hurt for them. They truly dealt with things I didn’t understand. Another scream echoed down the hall. Someone had opened their door and set their terror loose. I glanced back at my door to make sure I’d locked it. A nurse was talking to the screamer and several doors opened and closed.
“I’m never going to be able to sleep,” I mumbled into the darkness. I got out of bed and walked over to the window to watch the moonlit waves crashing against the shoreline. The waves reminded me of the last night I’d spent with Dank.
He’d saved me from the waves intent on taking my life. I’d been ready for it to happen until his arm had wrapped around me. Pain pierced my heart and I had to sit back down on the bed and hold my stomach tightly in order to hold myself together. Another scream came from a few rooms away. A hot tear trickled down my face. I was alone for the first time in my life. I laid down with my knees pulled up to my chest and my arms wrapped tightly around them. My eyelids grew heavy and the muffled screams began to be drowned away.
As I drifted into my dreams the music began to play. I fought to wake back up. The familiar music was my lullaby.
The weariness from the day and my sense of loneliness seemed to disappear as the music played. The warmth of Dank’s voice filled my mind and I slept.
* * * *
“Already got a visitor and he’s yummy, yummy, lick your lips yummy,” Gee said, strutting into the library I was almost positive she never spent any time in. I glanced up from the worn leather copy of Pride and Prejudice I’d found among the shelves of books lining the walls. “I have a visitor?” It had to be Leif. “Thank you.” I stood up and followed Gee back down to the Great Room where all visitations had to take place. Leif’s frown evaporated when he saw me coming toward him. A smile eased the worried line in his forehead.
“Pagan,” he said walking up and pulling me into a fierce hug. I held onto him tightly, trying hard not to cry.