I watch the life I know you will lead without me here. It’s what you deserve it is where you belong it is everything I want but everything I fear. Once I met you I knew I had to save you but you saved me. Now I’m turning away and letting you run free. Not one moment will I forget there is a fire inside me that you lit with your touch. Hurting you wasn’t the plan but it must happen by my hand.
Walk away from me before I break down and take you with me. You can’t go where I’m going you can’t walk through my Hell. Walk away from me before I break down and take you with me. My path is meant for only me. There is no way to take you too. I’ve given you life when it was in my hands to give you death. Walk away from me.”
My hands trembled in my lap. His gaze never left mine.
The words were meant for me. I couldn’t manage to breathe past the pain constricting my throat. Why was he doing this?
Hadn’t he hurt me enough? The tears stinging my eyes would fall free, rolling down my cheeks announcing to my friends how much Dank’s words affected me. They couldn’t know.
No one could. I stood up and walked away. I couldn’t sit there and listen anymore. In some sort of desperate trance I pushed past screaming fans and sweaty bodies. I could breathe if I could just get away; put some distance between me and his words. Once I stepped out of the tent, I turned and ran toward the darkness. Away from the fear. I wasn’t scared of him but I was scared of his words. He was leaving.
My stomach clenched at the thought and I ran harder until the sandy beach was dark and empty. The sound of the music played in the distance and I glanced back over my shoulder to see if Leif or Miranda had managed to follow me. No one was coming. I was truly alone. Gasping for breath I dropped to my knees and let out the sob I’d been fighting to hold in since he began singing. Hot tears trailed down my face. My chest hurt so badly, and deep breaths were impossible.
The night air dropped several degrees. It wasn’t my pain stifling my breathing, it was the coldness that came with her.
I turned around slowly, knowing she was there watching me.
I could feel her presence. She was icy fear. Yet the aching black hole Dank had left in my chest made the danger she possessed pale in comparison. I stood up and faced her, realizing my fear had been replaced with hate. She no longer scared me. She made me angry. Something about her appearance caused Dank distress and it made me want to hurt her for the part she was playing in my pain. I glared at her as the blond hair floated, unhindered by the gulf breeze.
“What is it you want from me?” I yelled through my tears.
I took a step toward her, clenching my hands into fists. I didn’t want her to think she could make me cower. I didn’t want her to think she could frighten me anymore. Her tinkling giggle filled the darkness around us.
“It is appointed,” she said in a voice I had grown to abhor.
“What is appointed? Huh? Do you even know? Get a freaking life and leave me the Hell alone!” I stepped closer to her, wanting to take a swing at her but knowing it wouldn’t do any good.
Her tinkling laughter turned into a deep sinister laugh.
“It was appointed and he broke the rules.” Her laughter died and she glared back at me. “You! He broke the rules for you!
Why you? What is it about you? A simple human with an appointed time. It was all very simple yet he made it all so difficult.” She crooked her finger at me. “Come on, come closer and I’ll right his wrong.” I swallowed and the fear I thought I’d overcome was slowly returning. Dank had also said she’d come to right a wrong.
“What wrong?” I asked.
She tilted her head as if studying me. “You are different than the others. I suppose that was intriguing to him. His existence is rather monotonous.”
I fought back the urge to lunge at her, knowing full well I’d probably go right through her. She wanted me to come closer. I needed to keep my distance. I shook my head and took a step back. In a blur of light she was standing in front of me and my breath began to grow even more shallow. I tried to step back but an icy hand wrapped around my wrist and began pulling me with a force I couldn’t fight against toward the crashing waves. The first splash of cold, salty water startled me. This was real. This time I was alone and no one would hear me.
I began kicking and fighting but she continued to drag me out into the gulf with little effort. There was no chance I would survive out in the deep water. The waves were getting taller and she was pulling me under. She was going to drown me. Couldn’t she just kill me by suffocating me as she had begun to do at school before Dank had interrupted? The lights and music danced in the distance.This time I was alone and no one would save me. Strangely enough I didn’t want to scream. I didn’t fear death any longer. But I wish I’d been able to say goodbye.
I closed my eyes as the water reached my chin and the first wave crashed over my head. As I allowed my body to go limp and accept this fate, I heard someone scream my name.
Had someone found me out here? I started to jerk away from her grasp and call out but it dawned on me she’d probably just take their life too. She wasn’t here for them. I had to go silently. Whoever had come for me didn’t deserve this fate.
A bright flash of light filled the dark water and my wrist was immediately released from her icy grip. I fought to find the surface of the water and draw air into my burning lungs.
“NO! I said NO! I made this choice and I broke this rule but it was mine to break. I have let your interference go unpunished long enough. This ends now.” I wanted to open my eyes and see him. I could hear him but the salt water stinging my eyes was making it impossible.
Another wave crashed over me and I began kicking frantically as water filled my unprepared nose. Warm arms encircled my waist and I clung to them knowing they belonged to him. I was safe now. My head broke the surface and I began to choke on the salt water.
“Here, let me.” Dank wiped my eyes with a cool cloth and the stinging disappeared as did my coughing. It was as if I’d never been forced under cold sea waves. Finally I could see Dank’s face. He was holding me again.
“Why, Pagan?” He closed his eyes and touched his forehead to mine and took a deep breath. “Why? You knew she was still stalking you. You felt her. Why did you come out here alone? Did you want to find her? Did you think facing her alone was the answer?”
I shook my head and stared up into his eyes so close to mine. “No, I just wanted to get away. I needed to think.
Watching you….” I stopped before saying any more.