have already accepted that possibility, just as the Obin who sacrificed themselves to bring you this Consu knew what was required of them."
"And what about you," I said to Hickory. "Your friend and partner is down there, Hickory. For ten years, at least, you've spent your life with Dickory. What do you say?"
Hickory's trembling was so slight that I almost doubted that I saw it. "Dickory will do as you ask, Zoe," Hickory said. "You should know this already." It turned away after that.
I looked at General Gau. "I have no advice to offer you," he said. "But I am very interested to find out what you choose."
I closed my eyes and I thought of my family. Of John and Jane. Of Savitri, who traveled to a new world with us. I thought of Gretchen and Magdy and the future they could have together. I thought of Enzo and his family and everything that was taken from them. I thought of Roanoke, my home.
And I knew what I had to do.
I opened my eyes.
"The choice is obvious," the Consu said.
I looked at the Consu and nodded. "I think you're right," I said. "And I think I need to go down and tell them."
I walked to the door of the operations room. As I did, General Gau lightly took my arm.
"Think about what you're doing, Zoe," Gau said. "Your choice here matters."
I looked up at the general. "I know it does," I said. "And it's my choice to make."
The general let go of my arm. "Do what you have to do," he said.
"Thank you," I said. "I think I will."
I left the room and for the next minute tried very hard not to fall down the stairs as I walked down them. I'm happy to say I succeeded. But it was a close thing.
I walked toward the group of Obin, who were milling about, some doing exercises, some talking quietly to another or to a small group. As I got closer I tried to locate Dickory and could not. There were too many Obin, and Dickory wasn't somewhere I could easily see him.
Eventually the Obin noticed I was walking to them. They quieted and equally quietly formed ranks.
I stood there in front of them for a few seconds, trying to see each of the Obin for itself, and not just one of a hundred. I opened my mouth to speak. Nothing would come. My mouth was so dry I could not make words. I closed my mouth, swallowed a couple of times, and tried again.
"You know who I am," I said. "I'm pretty sure about that. I only know one of you personally, and I'm sorry about that. I wish I could have known each of you, before you were asked...before I asked..."
I stopped. I was saying stupid things. It wasn't what I wanted to do. Not now.
"Look," I said. "I'm going to tell you some things, and I can't promise it's going to make any kind of sense. But I need to say them to you before..." I gestured at the cargo bay. "Before all of this."
The Obin all looked at me, whether politely or patiently, I can't say.
"You know why you're here," I said. "You're here to fight those Consu over there because I want to try to protect my family and friends on Roanoke. You were told that if you could beat the Consu, I would get the help I needed. But something's changed."
I pointed up to the operations room. "There's a Consu up there," I said, "who tells me that he'll give me what I need to save Roanoke without having to have you fight, and risk losing. All I have to do is tell you to take those knives you were going to use on those Consu, and use them on yourselves. All I have to do is to tell you to kill yourselves. Everyone tells me you'll do it, because of what I am to you.
"And they're right. I'm pretty sure about that, too. I'm certain that if I asked all of you to kill yourselves, you would do it. Because I am your Zoe. Because you've seen me all your lives in the recordings that Hickory and Dickory have made. Because I'm standing here in front of you now, asking you to do it.
"I know you would do this for me. You would."
I stopped for a minute, tried to focus.
And then I faced something I'd spent a long time avoiding.