He brought his food from the store to eat at the studio. Rob and Spencer often wandered into Rob’s house for meals, but Ross never did. He had no desire to enter their domestic lives. They appreciated that boundary as well. They were family, even Spencer, but Ross was not. He was merely a temporary passenger on the train they’d been riding together for thirty years or longer.
Ross intended to benefit from their thirty years. He hoped to learn from their mistakes, grave and small, as well as their successes.
By the time he got back to Seattle, Ross was exhausted. Since the city didn’t appeal to him anyway, he hunkered down in the loft, which was still such a kick for him to stay in. He ordered the various foods he liked to eat and that was pretty much his life. Quiet, yes, but unlike any life he ever imagined having. It was always interesting, invigorating, and, dare he admit? It was also inspiring. He never knew he could be so inspired. Or hopeful. Sometimes, he felt nearly fucking giddy.
He drank too much too. At night, when he was all alone in the big, sad, lonely city. He wasn’t sure what else to do with himself. The hours of self-reflection were invariably interrupted by someone whose damn voice was bigger in his head than his own. Oh, yeah, his liaison, Jody Lassiter.
She spoke to him often. She rented his cars. She told him when Rob wanted to see him and coordinated every move he made. She paid for his meals and gave him spending money and asked if he needed anything. She hadn’t found any more permanent places for Ross to stay yet, but Rob approved of him staying where he already was for now.
One Saturday night, Ross was staring at a clear, crystal shot glass and drinking alone again. He was thinking of Roland. Was it a murder or an accident? His mother convinced herself he murdered his brother. But did he really? No. He never meant to do anything. He never wanted his brother to die. But that didn’t change the facts of it either.
Around and around, the thoughts swirled in his brain while the amber bourbon whiskey swirled in the clear crystal glass, cruelly mocking his thoughts. Endlessly. On a loop. It hadn’t been that way for years.
Years.
He ignored his thoughts by numbing his feelings and turning his brain off. Waking up too soon, his damn brain and stupid feelings overwhelmed him. God, he hated that. All the reflection, emotion and worst of all, guilt. Roland’s death ripped through him as fresh as it was a decade ago.
Ugh. Not tonight. Lurching to his feet, Ross grabbed his cell phone and called a rideshare service before he went outside to wait. Upon its arrival, he repeated the name of the only bar he knew about, the one Jody took him to. Arriving there, he entered only to find it writhing with stylishly clad bodies tonight.
Well, that was good. It might get his mind off himself, which was not the best place for him to dwell. It was time to get laid and physically release all this pent-up whatever it was inside him. He took an empty seat near the end of the bar, which was L-shaped so it allowed him to observe the hopping, lively crowd. Couples, singles and friends of all ages were represented. Finally, the busy bartender took his order, and Ross nodded his thanks when the drink was swiftly made and shoved his way. Ross contemplated his surroundings. This felt nicer and somehow better than drinking alone in his empty, quiet apartment. Condo. Loft. Whatever damn thing he lived in.
Silently perusing all the people, he was bumped and jostled a few times, but Ross kept his head down, his shoulders slumped and was mostly ignored. Then he recognized something. He looked at the subject a bit sharper and smiled.
Of course. It was Jody Lassiter. This was her place, after all, wasn’t it?
He lifted his head up and sat back to observe her more clearly. Tonight, she was dressed differently but just as attractive as usual. Wearing a black dress that ended mid-thigh, her legs were half as long as his. But she was adorable. An interesting mix for him. Sexy, tough, confident, and he knew she’d hate being called adorable. She was cute. So cute. He liked to see her wide, genuine smile. Her eyes gleamed. Being so tiny, she made him