The Zahir Page 0,66
into a depression from which she might never emerge.
"That is why she decided to give up everything and go in search of adventure, in search of things that leave her no time to think about a love that is dying. However, the more she looked, the more confused she became, the more alone she felt. She feels she has completely lost her way, and the experience we have just had seems to be telling her that she is on the wrong track and should go back to her daily routine.
"I suggest trying a less closely guarded trail, say that I know smugglers in Almaty who could help us, but she seems to have no energy, no will to go on.
"At that moment, the voice tells me to bless Esther and to dedicate her to the earth. Without really knowing what I am doing, I get up, open my backpack, dip my fingers in the small bottle of oil we have taken with us for cooking, place my hand on her head and pray in silence, asking, at the end, that she continue her search, because it is important for all of us. The voice is telling me - and I repeat the words out loud to her - that if just one person changes, the whole human race is changed. She puts her arms around me, and I can feel the earth blessing her, and we stay like that together for several hours.
"Afterward, I ask if she believes what I told her about the voice. She says that she both does and doesn't. She believes that we all have a power that we never use and that I have clearly come into contact with that power through my epileptic fits, but this is something we can find out about together. She has been thinking of interviewing a nomad who lives to the north of Almaty and who is said by everyone to have magical powers. I am welcome to accompany her. When she tells me the man's name, I realize that I know his grandson and that this could greatly facilitate matters.
"We drive through Almaty, stopping only to fill the tank with gas and buy some food, then we drive on in the direction of a tiny village near an artificial lake constructed by the Soviet regime. I find out where the nomad is staying, but despite telling one of his assistants that I know the man's grandson, we still have to wait many hours, for there is a large crowd wanting the advice of this man they consider to be a saint.
"At last, we are ushered in. By acting as interpreter at that interview and by reading and rereading Esther's article when it was published, I learn several things I needed to know.
"Esther asks why people are sad.
"'That's simple,' says the old man. 'They are the prisoners of their personal history. Everyone believes that the main aim in life is to follow a plan. They never ask if that plan is theirs or if it was created by another person. They accumulate experiences, memories, things, other people's ideas, and it is more than they can possibly cope with. And that is why they forget their dreams.'
"Esther remarks that many people say to her, 'You're lucky, you know what you want from life, whereas I don't even know what I want to do.'
"'Of course they know,' replies the nomad. 'How many people do you know who say: I've never done what I wanted, but then, that's life. If they say they haven't done what they wanted, then, at some point, they must have known what it was that they did want. As for life, it's just a story that other people tell us about the world and about how we should behave in the world.'
"'Even worse are those people who say: I'm happy because I'm sacrificing my life for those I love.'
"'And do you think that the people who love us want to see us suffering for their sakes? Do you think that love is a source of suffering?'
"'To be honest, yes.'
"'Well, it shouldn't be.'
"'If I forget the story other people have told me, I'll also forget a lot of very important things life has taught me. What was the point of struggling to learn so much? What was the point of struggling to gain experience, so as to be able to deal with my career, my husband, my various crises?'
"'Accumulated knowledge is useful when it comes to cooking or