The Zahir Page 0,48

truth I am sent by God, and you place yourself in great danger. My voices have entrusted to me certain things to tell to the King, not to you. The voice comes to me from God. I have far greater fear of doing wrong in saying to you things that would displease it than I have of answering you."

Mikhail looked at me: "Are you suggesting..."

"That you're the reincarnation of Joan of Arc? No, I don't think so. She died when she was barely nineteen, and you're twenty-five. She took command of the French troops and, according to what you've told me, you can't even take command of your own life."

We sat down on the wall by the Seine.

"I believe in signs," I said. "I believe in fate. I believe that every single day people are offered the chance to make the best possible decision about everything they do. I believe that I failed and that, at some point, I lost my connection with the woman I loved. And now, all I need is to put an end to that cycle. That's why I want the map, so that I can go to her."

He looked at me and he was once more the person who appeared on stage and went into a trancelike state. I feared another epileptic fit - in the middle of the night, here, in an almost deserted place.

"The vision gave me power. That power is almost visible, palpable. I can manage it, but I can't control it."

"It's getting a bit late for this kind of conversation. I'm tired, and so are you. Will you give me that map and the address?"

"The voice...Yes, I'll give you the map tomorrow afternoon. What's your address?"

I gave him my address and was surprised to realize that he didn't know where Esther and I had lived.

"Do you think I slept with your wife?"

"I would never even ask. It's none of my business."

"But you did ask when we were in the pizzeria."

I had forgotten. Of course it was my business, but I was no longer interested in his answer.

Mikhail's eyes changed. I felt in my pocket for something to place in his mouth should he have a fit, but he seemed calm and in control.

"I can hear the voice now. Tomorrow I will bring you the map, detailed directions, and times of flights. I believe that she is waiting for you. I believe that the world would be happier if just two people, even two, were happier. Yet the voice is telling me that we will not see each other tomorrow."

"I'm having lunch with an actor over from the States, and I can't possibly cancel, but I'll be home during the rest of the afternoon."

"That's not what the voice is telling me."

"Is the voice forbidding you to help me find Esther?"

"No, I don't think so. It was the voice that encouraged me to go to the book signing. From then on, I knew more or less how things would turn out because I had read A Time to Rend and a Time to Sew."

"Right, then," and I was terrified he might change his mind, "let's stick to our arrangement. I'll be at home from two o'clock onward."

"But the voice says the moment is not right."

"You promised."

"All right."

He held out his hand and said that he would come to my apartment late tomorrow afternoon. His last words to me that night were:

"The voice says that it will only allow these things to happen when the time is right."

As I walked back home, the only voice I could hear was Esther's, speaking of love. And as I remembered that conversation, I realized that she had been talking about our marriage.

When I was fifteen, I was desperate to find out about sex. But it was a sin, it was forbidden. I couldn't understand why it was a sin, could you? Can you tell me why all religions, all over the world, even the most primitive of religions and cultures, consider that sex is something that should be forbidden?"

"How did we get onto this subject? All right, why is sex something to be forbidden?"

"Because of food."

"Food?"

"Thousands of years ago, tribes were constantly on the move; men could make love with as many women as they wanted and, of course, have children by them. However, the larger the tribe, the greater chance there was of it disappearing. Tribes fought among themselves for food, killing first the children and then the women, because they were the weakest. Only the