All I could think about when I was applying for jobs was just getting out of Manchester, getting away from Stewart and the humiliation and the pain. I just wanted to be gone.
And now I’m here. I have a job that’s challenging but I’m rising to the challenges (getting Alejo back to the game will be considered my first success), it’s prestigious, I like the environment (despite the losses), and I really like the people.
Alejo excluded. What I feel for him is more complicated than that.
I need to stop thinking that Madrid is another stop to somewhere else. This is the somewhere else. This is my new life. Maybe it’s a result of being divorced, but there’s a part of me that feels seriously unmoored, like a boat bobbing along in a grey sea, storm clouds in the distance. Like I’ve found a pocket in the weather, a refuge, and I’m just waiting for it to get worse.
Whatever it is, having Alejo here and pointing it out to me is sobering.
First thing tomorrow, I’m going to look into leasing a car.
Give poor Manuel a break.
“You okay?” Alejo asks me softly. I haven’t been paying attention but we’re at the part of the movie where he’s about to punch Bob Barker in the face.
“I’m good,” I tell him. I crane my neck to look up at him. “Muy bien.”
“Muy bien,” he says proudly. He lets his fingers run through my hair, and I close my eyes to his touch.
Honestly, as much as my body is a livewire, wanting and needing him in some dark and desperate, totally forbidden way, I’m also craving this kind of contact. Just to be held. Just to have a warm body to curl up against and pretend it’s sheltering me from the storm of my own life.
“So, is it really your birthday next week?” I ask him.
“Mmhmm,” he says. “Catching up to you.”
I laugh. “Right. So, what do you want?”
“For my birthday?” I nod. He gives me a breathtaking smile. “Right now, at this moment, I have everything I could possibly want.”
A warmth spreads through my chest, radiating outward.
God, this man is setting my soul on fire.
We finish the rest of the movie and once the credits roll, Alejo begins to adjust himself.
“Well, I think that’s a sign I should probably go,” he says. “It’s past midnight and I know you’ve got work.”
“You have work, too,” I tell him, but my heart is chilled at the thought of him leaving so soon.
“Barely,” he says.
I sit up and move out of his way as he gets to his feet. I watch as he heads to the kitchen to collect his bag. I get up and walk over to him, standing a few feet away, my hands at my sides, unsure of what to do with myself.
I don’t want you to go.
The words rest on the tip of my tongue.
Stay with me.
But so far, Alejo has kept to his word. He hasn’t made any moves on me, just giving me the comfort that I sorely needed. His eyes might say otherwise. Even now, he’s stealing a heated glance at me as he slings the bag on his shoulder. In his gentle touch I felt sparks and desire. And yet he’s aimed to keep things as professional as possible between us.
Something I asked for.
Something I need to hold strong for.
Think about your career, not the beautiful boy.
But it’s hard for me to think about anything else.
“I’ll see you tomorrow,” he says to me. “We can continue your Spanish lessons then.”
For once I know he actually means it, and Spanish lessons aren’t a euphemism for sex (though it’s a pretty good euphemism, if you ask me).
“Okay,” I say, walking over to the door.
He opens it and steps out.
“Buenas noches,” he says.
“Buenas noches, Alejo.”
I close the door on those beautiful, smoldering eyes.
Exhale deeply.
Rest my head against the door, close my eyes.
Go after him.
Open the door and go after him.
Tell him not to leave!
I inhale, resting my hand on the doorknob.
If I open it, my life will change again, and I will move on.
If I keep it closed, I’ll never know what could have been.
I turn the handle.
And open it.
Alejo is still standing on the other side.
Like he was waiting for me.
His eyes glint with fire as he meets my gaze.
I can’t help but smile. “Alejo, I—”
He cuts me off.
Hands in my hair, mouth covering mine, moving together as one, we step back