I swallow, feeling spent and thirsty. “I’m not running away. I just need to go outside and get fresh air.”
I’m not sure he believes me.
I’m not sure I believe myself.
Chapter 13
Thalia
I have a dreamless sleep.
If I even sleep at all.
I should have passed out. My body is absolutely aching everywhere Alejo touched me, memories of his fingerprints feeling like little bruises. I’m sore between my legs, sensitive on the neck and jaw where he nipped at me, my lips and nipples tender from his tongue and teeth. My hips are slightly purple. He fucked me like the world was ending and maybe it kind of was, just for us, just in that moment, the steam swallowing us whole.
But as exhausted as my body was from all of that, my mind would not shut down.
I wasn’t even having coherent thoughts; it was just the images of me and Alejo over and over in my head, mixed in with a million feelings.
I felt wanted.
I felt dangerous.
I felt stupid.
Ashamed.
Confused.
Horny.
Obsessed and broken and empowered.
I felt all of those things wrap around me all night, pulling me into an internal battle, and now that I’m lying here and staring at the faint grey morning light that’s coming in the window, I’m more torn and confused than ever.
It didn’t help that the moment it was over between us and we left the steam room, I went straight home to shower. I wasn’t needed at Valdebebas anymore but still, my first instinct was to run, so I came here and drank a lot of wine and watched a lot of stupid shows on Netflix, trying to forget that it happened.
But that was impossible.
Now, I’m trying to conjure the power to get out of bed and get ready for work. There’s a game tomorrow; I’m needed as a therapist, not just to Alejo but to everyone else. I need to go in there with my can-do attitude and focus on my job.
I just don’t know how the hell I’m going to do that now.
Alejo touched me all over.
I called out his name, dug my nails into his skin.
He came inside me.
Thank god I have an IUD, but I still should have been more careful.
Fuck, maybe we should have not done that at all, if we’re looking at all the should haves.
But it happened.
And I need to make peace with it before I fuck up bigtime.
We won’t be so lucky next time.
There is no next time, I remind myself. Stop thinking like that. You did it, you got him out of your system. It’s over.
It’s over.
I manage to shower and get dressed and go to work as if I’m in a dream.
As usual, tensions are high, but I’m so locked in my head that I barely even notice. I go through the motions, working on some of the players with wrapping their ankles or massaging their upper thighs. It isn’t until Luciano calls me over to him that I snap out of it.
“What seems to be the problem?” I ask as I go over to him where he’s sitting on the table.
“Luciano?” Mateo says to him from the door of the warm-up room. “Time to go.”
“I’m going to get Thalia to look at my shoulder,” he says, to which Mateo just nods and walks off.
“Your shoulder? Is it bothering you?” I ask.
“Yeah,” he says, bringing it up and wincing. “Anytime I hold it back here, I get this pain.” He winces and reaches over, pressing down between his neck and his shoulder blade. “Right here.”
“Have you tried not holding your arm back like that?” I joke.
“Ha ha,” he says. “I just don’t want it to get worse at the wrong moment.”
“Of course. I saw Eduardo working on you. That didn’t do anything?”
“A little, but now it’s like I have a numb knot back there. I heard you can do that thing with the needles.”
“Dry needling? Sure.”
I go and grab my kit and glance over his bare upper body.
Like Alejo, he’s perfectly ripped, even at his age.
Which is more or less my age.
Funny how of all the people on this team to get involved with, I mean if I had to, Luciano would have made the most sense. He’s handsome, he’s charming, he’s funny, he’s got a great body, and he’s the freaking captain of the team, as well as the captain of the Portuguese national team. We’re close in age. He’s single. He’s got a good way about him. It would have