to call it a night. I ask Thalia if she needs an escort home and she looks completely terrified at the idea, assuring me she called an Uber for her short ride back to her apartment.
A million things are going through my head as my private driver picks me up. I’m thinking about Thalia. I’m thinking about the game on Saturday. I’m thinking about Luciano saying I need to step it up in order to make the national team. I know he meant it in jest, but even so it’s enough for me to tell the driver to take me to Valdebebas instead of home.
I’ll sleep there this week. Time to lose myself to the game and become a slave to the season.
Chapter 5
Thalia
“So how are things? I mean, really?” Helen asks me over the phone as Manuel navigates the morning traffic. It’s early, really early, but the air is already thick with smog and humidity, and the day looks to be a scorcher.
“Good, good,” I tell her absently. I haven’t talked to her on the phone since I got here, so when I saw she was calling this morning and I had the time, I decided to pick up. I owed her that much. I feel like I’ve been a shitty friend, even though I’ve been so busy.
“Good but not great,” she points out.
I laugh. “I don’t know, it’s only my second week. There are growing pains. Our first game of the La Liga season is tomorrow so I’m heading to the office really early to get a head start. I’ll stay overnight there too.”
She sighs with an air of nostalgia. “I remember those days, when you first started at Man U. You put in all the extra hours, always with so much to prove. Did you ever end up proving it?”
I’m caught off-guard by the question. “What do you mean?”
“You know. You were always bristling about with a chip on your shoulder about it being a man’s game. I hope you’ve gotten over that notion.”
That notion?
My lips flap together for a moment while I gather my words. “It’s not something to get over, Helen. It’s a big deal to hold this position, for any team, whether you’re male or female. But yes, I have to work harder to prove myself. Not to me. I know I’m good and I hold my own. I know how to read the body, and I know what my hands are capable of. Maybe my intuition about people’s bodies is deeper than most, I don’t know. But that doesn’t mean I have to stop proving myself to everyone else. It’s a man’s game and a man’s world, and I’ll be damned if I become someone people dismiss because of my gender.”
“Okay, okay, calm down. Sheesh, Thalia. You’re going to have a heart attack first thing in the morning, feminista.”
I am breathing hard and my heart is pounding. I guess I get riled up about these things but it really rankles me when Helen starts pushing those buttons. She loves taking on the debate that women don’t deserve to be paid as much as men because we’re the ones that have children.
But not all of us have children, I think, and the sick, dark feeling that I’ve been avoiding these last few months comes back into my chest.
Shit. Not now.
“Thalia?”
“I’m here,” I manage to say, feeling weak and dizzy, and I bring up my workbag and search through the mess to find my pills. I didn’t think I’d need to take one, but here we are.
“I’m sorry, was I too harsh?” she says. “Look, I just don’t want you to stress so much. Just do your job, that’s all. Forget about proving anything. You know, I talked to Stew yesterday…”
Ah fuck, I’m definitely taking this pill now. I pop it into my mouth and swallow it dry. Hopefully the Ativan will go to work soon.
“And he said some nice things about you,” she goes on, as if my complete silence save for my heavy breathing wasn’t a hint enough to shut the fuck up.
“Uh huh,” I manage to say. He better say nice fucking things about me, I was still his wife up until six weeks ago.
“He said he misses you.”
Oh boy. Not what I need right now.
“That’s great, Helen. Why are you telling me this?”
“I don’t know,” she says slowly. “I’m just…looking out for you. I worry about you down there. I…maybe when you get this out of your system, you’ll come back