the rush of sadness that wants to come up. I will not start crying here at work, while I’m working on the team captain.
“You don’t have to talk about it,” he says quickly. “Perhaps I shouldn’t ask these kinds of questions when you have those needles. I learned my lesson last time.”
“Thank you,” I tell him, clearing my throat and getting to work.
I tap all the needles in, letting them work their magic on his muscles.
When I’m done, and the needles are removed, he sits up on the table.
“Better?” I ask.
He moves his shoulder back and gives me a triumphant smile. “Right as rain.”
“Good.”
I make a move to put the kit away but he reaches out and grabs my arm.
“Thalia,” he says. “I just want you to know that I’m sorry.”
Oh no. Now the tears are threatening me again.
I swallow, nodding, unable to speak.
“I don’t know what happened but I can make some guesses. I know Alejo is head over heels in love with you and I know you’re in love with him and it just…well, it fucking sucks that you can’t make it work together. I don’t know the details of what happened, I’m only fumbling in the dark but this was a love story that was never meant to have a happy ending, was it? I tried to…I tried to warn Alejo that this is what could happen and I don’t blame him for not listening because I know what it’s like. I’ve been there. I’ve been run over by it. You can’t stop love.”
“Love is a force of nature,” I say quietly, shutting my eyes as I remember that moment on the beach in Tenerife. “It’s like…trying to push back a hurricane with your bare hands. You’ll be ripped apart no matter what you do.”
“We have a saying in Portuguese,” he says.
“I bet you do,” I mutter, opening my eyes. “Is it about fleas again?”
“E como tudo na vida, dê tempo ao tempo e ele encarregar-se hà de resolver os problemas,” he says, letting the words roll off his tongue. “It means, in life as in everything else, give time some time and it will solve your problems for you.”
I give him a sad look and the mention of time reminds me of the pocket watch, which I have kept under my pillow these days, clutching it as I fall asleep. “I don’t think it will solve this problem,” I tell him. “I don’t know what will. But I will say that…”
Being here with him is next to impossible.
I don’t think I’m strong enough.
“Yes?” Luciano prompts.
I shake my head. “Nothing. It’s nothing.”
“I’m really sorry, Thalia,” he says again and looking into Luciano’s warm brown eyes, I know he is. I think he was really rooting for us.
“Thank you.”
He leans in and gives me a hug and I have to keep it short and sweet or I’m going to completely break down. I can feel it coming, like a rip tide that wants to yank you off your feet and drag you out to sea.
Luciano goes upstairs for lunch and I decide to forgo it all together. I can’t even think about food right now, I think I’ve lost five pounds this last week, which sucks because a lot of that was muscle. But honestly, it’s the least of my concerns. Funny how losing love makes all your other problems disappear.
Instead, I go to my office and stare numbly at the wall, up at my degrees, torn between what I have to do. Even though I don’t want to do it, and I wish it wasn’t coming to this, it’s for the best.
I wait until it’s siesta time and then I go over to Mateo’s office, knocking at the door.
“Pasa,” Mateo says.
I open the door and poke my head in. “Is this a good time?”
A faint wash of sympathy comes over his face. “Sí. Of course. Come in, Thalia”
I step on in and shut the door behind me.
“Sit down, please,” he says, gesturing to the seat.
I shake my head. “I need to speak with you.”
“I can tell.” He narrows his eyes, studying me. “Are you okay?”
I press my lips together until they go numb and shake my head. “No,” I whisper. “I’m not okay.”
He sighs and leans back in his chair. “I’m really sorry about everything. What you must be going through. I know what it’s like.”
“You have no idea what it’s like,” I tell him, finding my voice. It’s sharp.