“But that doesn’t exactly help when your heart is involved, does it? It doesn’t listen to the rules.”
I exhale, happy that so far he’s not calling me an idiot or something. “No, it doesn’t.”
“Have you told him?”
“Uh. I know he knows I like him. I mean…we’ve been, uh, together, for a few months now.”
Silence. “Oh. Okay. So this isn’t just someone you work with that you have feelings for and that’s it?”
“No. It’s beyond that. We both have feelings for each other. It’s turning into something and that something is terrifying.”
“Terrifying because…?”
“Because…I could lose my job. Because I just went through a horrible divorce and my heart is just this raw, uncooked meat right now. I can’t…I can’t imagine giving it away to anybody. I won’t survive it if things don’t work out.”
“And what makes you think things won’t work out?” he says, whispering again. My mother is probably lurking near.
“Because he’s younger than me. He’s a lot younger than me. And I’m not sure what kind of future I can have with him.”
“Does he love you?”
His question causes my stomach to drop. “I don’t know,” I say honestly. “Maybe? He’s Spanish and passionate, so it can be hard to tell sometimes.”
“Do you love him?”
I shake my head. “I don’t know that either.”
“You would know if you did,” he says after a beat. “But that doesn’t mean you won’t.”
“Well, right now, we’re kind of on a break.”
“Was that your doing?”
“Yeah, but our relationship started to complicate his game. He really fucked up and I thought it would be for the best if we just avoided each other for a bit. Just until a few games were played, so he could prove himself.”
“Prove himself to you?”
“No. To everyone. I just didn’t want that all on my shoulders. I wanted to put my feelings to the side and let him do his job.”
“You know, your feelings still exist, even if you’re ignoring them.”
He’s got that right. My feelings are welling up inside me like a tangled knot I’m afraid to undo.
“And how did he take that break?” my dad asks.
“Not well. He won’t even look at me most of the time. He has been doing great though, so at least there’s that. Back to scoring lots of goals, being a menace on the pitch.”
“Alejo Albarado,” he says, figuring it out. “That’s him, isn’t it? I saw the game against Manchester United.”
“You did?”
“Sweetie, I watch all your games. But I knew that one was going to be a doozy, with you being back in England and Stewart being there. I was really hoping you’d wipe the floor with them.”
A great thing about my dad is that he never, ever liked Stewart. Even pulled me aside at our wedding and asked if I was sure I wanted to marry him. I was angry and upset about it at the time, that I didn’t have Daddy’s approval, but in hindsight, I think my dad sensed something was off.
“We all hoped for that. It didn’t happen though.”
“He’s really young, Thalia,” he says quietly.
“I know,” I say, closing my eyes.
Is this ever not going to be the first thing people say?
“I’m sure you do know, and if you’re still having these feelings for him, I’m sure they are valid. In fact, I know this is something important and serious to you because otherwise you would have never called to ask for my advice. So, do you still want my advice?”
I nod, gripping my phone tighter. “Yes.”
“You’ve always been cautious and a bit of an overachiever. Maybe because of me, I don’t know. You’re hard on yourself and you always have been. You need to cut yourself some slack.”
“Cut yourself a slab,” I mumble under my breath. “Eat the ham.”
“What was that?”
“Nothing.”
I can practically hear him frown over the phone. “Anyway, it’s true, sweetie. You’re being hard on yourself right now, I can tell. The only advice I can truly give you is that…life isn’t something that happens to you, it’s something that happens for you.”
I let the words sink into my skin.
My dad goes on. “Right now, Albarado, he’s in your life and he’s happening for you, and there’s a reason for that. Maybe you need to be with someone who is the opposite of Stewart. Maybe you need to feel wanted and desired. Maybe you’re finding out who you really are and what you really want. It could be all of those things. You just have to ask yourself, does