You Know I Need You (You Are Mine #4) - Willow Winters Page 0,30
feels both swollen and hollow, and my head light with denial. I lower myself to the floor, my hand shaking as I hold the phone to my ear.
“Mr. Thompson suffered a blood clot, and unfortunately it traveled to his lungs.”
I remember the way the bell rang as I cried and the other students ran through the halls, going about their lives and not knowing my life had changed forever in that moment.
The same agonizing pain rips through me and tears fall freely as I end the call.
He can’t be dead. Not Henry. I just talked to him; a voice in my head whispers the reminder.
He was the only dad I had, and I threw him away. He was supposed to be with me tonight. Like he wanted.
If I had met with him, if I hadn’t blown him off … Regret consumes me.
I can hardly breathe as the phone drops next to me and I cover my face. He didn’t deserve to die. It’s an odd thing to think because it means others do. But Evan’s father should still be here. He wasn’t supposed to go. Not yet.
My body shudders as I hold back a sob.
I’ve cried so many tears over the past weeks. So many shed on my pillow, in my hands, soaking into my heated skin.
These tears are different.
It’s not from a fear of loss. It’s not because I’m disappointed in myself. It’s not even because I’m hopeless.
When you shed tears over something that’s truly gone, those are the tears that never leave you. They drown your soul and take a piece of your heart. That’s what death does.
I have to force myself to text Evan once I’ve finished speaking with the doctor. Call me as soon as you can, please. It’s urgent, Evan. I can’t help that I add, I love you. I’m not conflicted about adding it either, because I do.
I can’t tell Evan the news over the phone, though. I want to be there for him. To hold him and ease the pain. Even more, I need him to hold me right now.
I hesitate but then add, It’s about your father.
The phone shifts out of focus as my eyes blur and my hand shakes, but I hear it ping after only a small moment.
It’s not Evan, though, it’s Jake. Hey, you want to grab coffee?
I have to force myself not to message him. I have to force myself not to tell him that I’m not okay. With how badly I want to be held, I wish I could, but I refuse to use him.
But after an hour going by and a dozen more text messages unanswered by Evan, I cave. I have to tell him, and so I do. I tell him over a text that his father passed away and after crying for hours and seeing that he read it, I still get nothing back.
I text Jake, I’m not okay.
Chapter 14
Evan
She won’t wait for you forever,
There’s no way she ever could.
Time changes by the day and life,
Brings both the bad and good.
It creeps into who you are,
Deep down in your soul.
The person that you left behind,
Will never again be whole.
It’s fitting it would snow today. I shudder as I watch men dig the hole my father will be laid in tomorrow. The ground’s hard and stubborn. Like my father, in a way.
The frigid air isn’t doing a damn thing to aid me in keeping my composure.
All day, all I could think is that it was James who somehow found a way to kill my pops. Mason’s the only reason I didn’t go back to his office and kill him. Even if he wasn’t there, there’s no place he could run.
I’m paranoid. I’m desperate. I’m fucking lonely.
I want my wife. I need her. A weak man would go to her and she’d be made a target. Mason assured me she’s safe, and this would only help reinforce to James that Kat and I aren’t together anymore and she shouldn’t be on his radar in the least.
The snow crunches to my right and I turn toward the small parking lot. Mason’s early. I didn’t even hear him come up behind me until now.
“Thanks for coming, man,” I greet him and take his outstretched hand.
“I’m so sorry,” Mason tells me as he looks behind me to the gravesite. He found Kat downstairs and I’m still devastated that I wasn’t there for her like he was able to be.