You Know I Need You (You Are Mine #4) - Willow Winters Page 0,21

have.

“Just company, until you want more,” he says with his dark green, hazel eyes staring straight into mine as they heat.

“I don’t know that I’ll want more, though.”

“I think you lie, Kat. I think you already know you want more.”

“It’s only because I’m lonely.” The words slip out and I hate that they’re true, but a weight is lifted with my confession. I expect Jake to react negatively. Maybe to be angry or offended, but instead, he nods his head.

“Yeah, I know. I am too.”

“Sometimes I do stupid, reckless things when I’m lonely.”

“Well, if you ever want to be lonely together, I’m free.”

I should feel guilty about how Jake makes me feel.

Wanted, appreciated, like he doesn’t want to lose me.

It’s foolish to entertain what’s between us. But I feel so rejected. My husband doesn’t want me and yet Jake does. Even if it’s only because I’m the only person in the entire state who he knows.

We can be just friends.

At least I can pretend we can, for a little while. Or what did Evan call it? A short while.

Diary Entry Two

Hey Mom,

I have a secret to tell you. Do you remember how I told you about Markie in middle school? He’s the one who was in Mrs. Schaffer’s math class. He had a crush on me and passed me that note. It wasn’t important really and I doubt you remember. But I had this feeling back then and I kind of have it now.

It’s weird and it’s mixed with all sorts of other things.

Obviously, I shouldn’t see him, and I shouldn’t even be considering talking to this guy, but I’ve been crying almost every night for so long. I started playing sad movies on the television at night, so I could blame it on that. I know I’m lying, but I’m so tired of crying.

I’m exhausted, Mom, and this guy gives me something else to think about.

It’s wrong, isn’t it?

I don’t even have to ask you to know that it is.

I’m using this man, and I’m still married to Evan. My heart is still waiting for him, even though he’s given me every reason to stay away from him for good.

Maybe I’m a bad person. Maybe I deserve all this.

I don’t know. Could you tell me, please? You used to give me little signs. I know they were from you. I could use one now.

I don’t know what’s going to happen and I’m really tired. I’m ready for change and some sanity. The exhaustion is probably from a mix of what’s going on with Evan and the pregnancy.

It’s wonderful that we’re having a baby, isn’t it?

See how I changed subjects there? I hope that made you laugh.

I’m so grateful for this baby and I want to feel happy, Mom.

But my life isn’t okay and I kind of hate myself right now.

This guy, Jake, changes that. Does that make it better?

Please tell me it does, because I want it all to be okay for the baby. Not the mess that it is.

I know it can’t last, but maybe just for a little while?

Chapter 10

Evan

“It’s been a while,” Mason says as I sit down at the booth in the back of the restaurant.

“I saw you just a few weeks ago,” I point out to him.

“Not what I meant,” he says, correcting me. “It’s been a while since the two of us have been up to no good.”

That comment pulls my lips up into an asymmetric smile and he follows suit with a wicked grin. “And how do you know that’s what I’m here for?” I used to buy some good shit through Mason and vice versa. I came from the poor part of town, and he was from the rich. The only real difference that makes is which drugs you’re doing. Pot or snow.

And if you want a taste of the other, all you need to do is make friends with the right people. Long story short, that’s how I met Mason and as I moved into his circle, he made a spot for me when I needed one. When he got into trouble, I got him out. It was years ago, but a pact like that never dies.

Mason shrugs at my question. “I’m going to take a guess and say that whatever you want from me, it’s something I could go to jail for.”

I huff a sarcastic laugh and toss my phone down on the white tablecloth, then glance around casually to make sure I don’t recognize anyone. The place is