right. Good luck with the job search.” A gloating smile curves the edges of her mouth as she coasts a knickknack over the scanner.
“She’ll find something,” Nicholas inserts smoothly. “We’re waiting for the right fit. Can’t just accept any old job that’ll have her—especially at businesses that will probably be closed within a year.”
Melissa’s eyes darken. I’m so grateful to Nicholas, I could cry.
“Luckily, I don’t find myself in that position,” she says, all uppity-like. “Let’s Get Crafty is doing superb.”
Nicholas makes a show out of glancing around the empty store. “Sure.”
Her peppy tone falters, the ice showing through. “It’s Thanksgiving. Of course we’re not busy today.”
Nicholas doesn’t even have to reply. He raises his eyebrows, smiling guilelessly. It’s more effective than a smirk. It’s an expression I’m well acquainted with and it usually fills me with rage, but weaponized against Melissa I’ve got to say, it’s looking more and more attractive.
“So …” She pretends to have trouble with a price tag, drawing this exchange out. “Burn any more poisonous flowers lately, Naomi?”
Nicholas stiffens. I’m going to stab her with the pin of her name tag.
“Actually, I haven’t had time. Been pretty busy.”
“Doing what? You don’t have a job.”
“Maybe we’re having lots of sex,” Nicholas cuts in, annoyed. “Maybe we lose track of the days because we can’t stop banging.” I let out an unladylike snort, both because what he’s said is delightfully inappropriate and also so untrue that it kind of hurts. “Not really your business, is it?”
Melissa abandons all pleasantries. “That’s about what I’d expect to hear from you. Lot of sex happening around your office, and I know that from experience. I wouldn’t be shocked if you’re screwing that dental hygienist, too. You and Seth both. The company you keep says a lot about you.”
“Oh, for crying out loud,” I snap. I’ve always been quick to lend my sympathies whenever she wanted to gripe about Seth (which was often), but seeing her here in this new setting, wearing a vest covered in trillions of craft-related buttons, it’s just too much. I’m not rolling over and letting her punish us anymore. “This again? You dated the guy for, like, a month and a half. I’ve had to hear about this since May. Your grudge exhausts me, Melissa.”
“Oh, my apologies! Have I not recovered from my heartbreak fast enough for you?”
“If you need closure with your ex, then go tell him about it.” Her mouth opens, but I raise my hand. “Listen, I’m sorry Seth is an asswipe who cheated. You didn’t deserve that. Honestly, you could do way better and he isn’t worth being this upset over. But nothing that happened to you is our fault.” She gives Nicholas a dirty look and opens her mouth, ready to shoot off, but I beat her to it. “There will be no more attacks on Nicholas, you got me? I don’t want to hear this shit ever again.”
As for Nicholas, I don’t think he’s ever been more stunned in his life. He’s giving me the same look I was giving him this morning. I’m being green-henley’d.
Melissa’s movements grow jerkier as she stuffs our purchases into a bag. “Can you double-wrap that?” Nicholas asks, and we both derive sadistic enjoyment from watching Melissa double-wrap the cookie jar.
“And then double-bag it?” he adds.
The savagery is so skillfully subtle, you could almost call it art.
She triple-bags it. “Is that good enough?”
He flashes a charming smile. “Perfect.”
Her glare cuts to me, and for once I don’t do the thing I always do when she and Nicholas are having a clash. I don’t chew my fingernails and apologize with my eyes. Instead, I give her airs like I am Extremely Important and have Places To Be. I invoke my inner Deborah Rose and scare myself to the core.
“Well, good luck with your life,” Melissa says nastily after we pay and get our bags.
I decide to be the bigger person. “You, too, Melissa. Good luck. I hope this job works out for you.”
Nicholas decides to not be the bigger person and takes a penny from the take-a-penny, leave-a-penny station as we walk away. I’m in awe of his cattiness.
“Enjoy your Thanksgiving!” he calls over his shoulder.
“You two are assholes!” she calls back. “You deserve each other.”
I send her a thumbs-up. “Thanks!”
We’re barely out the door when we can’t hold our laughter in anymore. We throw our stuff in the car and tumble inside, peeling out like we’re fugitives making a getaway. I give him a high-five.