he ever kissed me like this? If he has, I don’t remember it.
It takes me a couple seconds to catch up, but when I do I’m floored by how eager my body is to betray my better sense, forgetting the destructive things we’ve done to each other. All those thoughts slip underwater as I arch against him and he tilts his hips against mine, needing closer contact. We’re kissing so hard that we keep forgoing the need to breathe. It’s unimportant at this point. Minor details.
The longer we touch, the more confused I am, until I begin to think I’ve got my facts flipped. I think I hate him eighteen percent.
Nicholas repositions us so that I’m on his lap instead, which lends me a thrilling dynamic of power. I could derail this right now if I wanted. Or I could tighten my grip around his wrists and kiss, bite, taste. I can do anything I like. I can feel that he’ll let me.
One thing needs to be cleared up right now, though. “You’re never giving anything to Stacy for as long as you live,” I inform him. “I don’t care if she asks you for a stick of gum. I don’t care if she asks you what time it is. She’s not getting a single thing from you.”
His wicked laugh shivers against my neck. “There is no Secret Santa.”
I rip away to study him, my fingers curling around his collar. “What?”
He doesn’t reply, so I tap his shoulder with the back of my hand. “No, seriously. What?”
Nicholas’s eyes are lust-inked and volatile. His voice scrapes from his throat. “Tell me, and don’t lie. Are you cheating on me with Zach? Have you ever, at any point?”
There’ve been a few clues so far that I’m stuck in a dream, but this confirms it. I stare at him closely, trying to figure out if he’s serious. He cannot be serious. “Are you out of your mind?”
“Please don’t. Don’t make me feel like this is all in my head.”
It’s the tortured way he says it, and the please, that sways me. I’m not sure I’ve ever been tender with Nicholas before, and what a shame is that? I don’t know how to be vulnerable with him, but there’s no alternative here. I have to tread gingerly. I try to kiss him, but he doesn’t move his lips against mine, waiting for the truth, breath releasing in small, staggered pants. He’s just as jagged as I am.
“No,” I say, gazing into his eyes so that he knows I’m being honest. “I’m not cheating on you with Zach or anyone else. I’ve never cheated. Why would you ask that?”
His reply tumbles out in a rush: “You don’t like me being around any of your work friends. Zach hates me. Whenever I see him, he’s hostile for no reason. You laugh really loud when you read his texts. And you’ve lost interest in me, which isn’t in my head, either. I’ve felt you going away.”
What he says actually makes sense, but at the same time it’s so absurd I can’t help the laugh that bursts from my chest.
It’s the wrong reaction. Nicholas’s eyes flash with anger. He tries to push me off, but I surprise him by locking my arms around his neck. Still shaking with laughter, I say, “I’m sorry. I’m just imagining the look on Zach’s face if he heard you accuse him of messing around with me.”
He’s embarrassed and irritated and struggling in earnest now, so I hurry up. “He doesn’t like you because you’re a scary bogeyman dentist and he thinks you’re on the warpath to give him twenty root canals without anesthesia. He’d love knowing he’s been living in your head like this, because that’s just Zach. He enjoys irritating people. But no, there’s nothing going on between Zach and me. Ever. If you don’t believe me, you can go ask him. He and his boyfriend will get a kick out of it, I’m sure.”
Nicholas falls still, eyeing me skeptically. “Boyfriend?”
“Yep. I think he dates women, too, or he used to, anyway.” I shrug. “It’s none of my business. We’ve never been interested in each other like that.” I narrow my eyes. “What about you? Have you ever cheated?”
“No.”
He sounds sincere. He looks sincere. I want to believe him, but—
“Not with Stacy?”
He swallows and averts his eyes. My stomach bottoms out. “I was talking about Stacy to mess with you. I just wanted a reaction. I wanted to see if you’d