I didn’t understand that before, how the thought of living without someone could be worse than the thought of being dead. But I understand now. My chest feels tight and it’s getting hard to breathe.
“I’m waiting for my kiss, fair Juliet,” Liam says. He’s right beside me, but his voice sounds far away. I want to say something back, but I can’t. I can’t breathe. I can hear my heart beating in my ears and suddenly my breath is the loudest thing in the room.
“CeCe?” Liam’s voice sounds a thousand miles away. “It’s okay, we don’t have to. Just breathe.” He takes my hand in his, running his thumb over the back of my hand. He inhales and exhales slowly.
I focus on his face in the dim light and imitate his breathing pattern, in slowly, then out slowly. In, then out. A few more times, and my breathing is back to normal so I can die of total embarrassment instead.
“You okay?” He squeezes my hand and I realize he’s sitting even closer now, his knee wedged between mine.
“Yeah,” I say. “Sorry, I was just thinking about the scene.”
“The kiss?”
I shake my head. “The idea of loving someone so much that you’d rather die than live without them.” I turn my face away as if that could stop him from seeing me. I didn’t mean to be this honest with him, but the truth is much less weird than what he’s probably thinking.
“I can’t imagine,” he says. I turn back toward him. His breath smells like onion rings and barbecue sauce. “To love someone like that and then lose them.” I know he’s talking about the play—to him, the emotion is just pretend. I wish I could just pretend again, too.
I close my eyes and try to forget that the one person I really do love that much actually is dying. I try to forget that my so-called best friend betrayed me and told everyone all about everything like I was just the latest piece of gossip. I try to forget that we could get in trouble just by being here. I try to forget that he’s Liam and I’m Cecelia. Instead, in this moment, he’s Romeo and I’m Juliet.
As Romeo reaches up and runs his hand down Juliet’s face, she starts to relax. And as Romeo gets closer, she tilts her head up ever so slightly like they do in the movies. She waits for Romeo to make the first move, and when his lips brush against hers, it’s like she comes to life.
I am Juliet and he is Romeo.
His tongue pushes against my lips and I open my mouth, letting him slip inside. His tongue tangles with mine before darting in and out of my mouth. I’m outside of my head and then I’m back in it, suddenly nervous and wondering if I’m doing it right and if kissing is supposed to feel this strange. If it’s supposed to be this noisy.
“Cecelia,” Liam moans into my mouth.
He said my name, not “Juliet.” I’m trying not to think too much about what it means, if anything. As soon as I stop thinking about how I’m supposed to be kissing him, it feels more normal to actually be kissing him. I turn my head and we naturally fall into rhythm. It’s not all that different from dancing.
I pull away but he quickly closes the gap, his lips back on mine. Feeling a little bolder, I try slipping my tongue inside his mouth.
Holy shit. I’m kissing Liam Donnelly. And we’re not acting. He reaches for my hand and I let him hold it as we keep kissing. He slowly brings my hand to his knee and I let go. I’m not sure what I’m supposed to do, so I give it a little squeeze, which must be a good thing, because he moans into my mouth again.
He laces his fingers between mine, pulling my hand closer, guiding it toward his lap. I realize what he’s doing just in time to pull away.
The bell sounds, signaling the end of the lunch hour.
Liam sighs, as disappointed as I am relieved. “Parting is such sweet sorrow,” he says.
“That’s my line, too.” I smile and tilt my head up toward his, hoping he’ll kiss me again, but he doesn’t.
“You can go out first,” he says. “I need a minute.”
I stand and make my way back up the aisle, stumbling out the door and into the harsh light. The hallway is crowded, and no one seems to