Year 28 - J.L. Mac Page 0,57
scrunches his brows at me. “Is it true?” I demand pushing his shoulder; tears begin blurring my vision because his silence is answer enough. He runs one hand through his wavy dark brown locks, gorgeous hair that the fucking military will demand he keep sheared off to the skin.
“I’m just trying to do something good. I can pay for school now,” he offers his explanation.
“Don’t give me that crap. You’re smart! You could have gotten grants or scholarships, a student loan—anything! Did you even wait to see what schools got back to you?” The ashamed look on his face spawns a revelation. “Oh my god, you didn’t even try to apply to any schools, did you?”
“Baby—”
“No! You’re unbelievable. What else have you lied about Sy?” I scoff pacing in a circle in front of him. “I thought it was because of me you were draggin’ your feet on applications and everything because you were waiting on me to see where I got in. But you didn’t even bother with any of it!” I laugh an ugly humorless laugh.
“It is because of you. You deserve… more. I’m in love with you and I want to be worthy of you now and forever,” he rambles on. My fury reaches a fever pitch. “My parents wouldn’t let me go into debt to pay for college. They’d take it on themselves and I know they can’t afford that burden, Rae.”
“No, no, no.” I wag my finger at him. “You don’t get to put this shit on me—on us, or your folks,” I motion my hand between us, tears tip over my eyelids and stream down my face. “We were good—we’ve always been good! Now it’s all fucked up,” I grit even as my bottom lip quivers.
“It’s not. Snow, c’mere,” he says gently, reaching for me. I jerk away from him.
“Don’t! We literally just talked about our future. We made that stupid pact. Jesus, is that why you made me make that lame promise? Because you knew you’d end up being shipped god knows where while I’m going to school and carving out a career for myself—is this your way of keeping me on a leash, tied to you?”
“No! I don’t give a fuck where we are in the world, you’re always with me and I will always be with you. This,” he jabs a finger into his own chest then into mine. “… is permanent.” The fervor in his voice is almost enough to reduce me to a messy puddle of emotion.
“And what if—what if what happened to Teddy happens to you, huh? How does that benefit either of us? I couldn’t go through that,” I choke on my words, my chin crinkling as I weep. A look of complete pity and sadness transforms Sy’s face but I ramble on before he can say a word. “You lied to me. You let me think we were in this together—that we would make every decision as a team. You kept this huge decision to yourself and completely excluded me from having any say so. Worse still is you snuck and signed your life away while I was on vacation!”
“I’m sorry, Snow. You’re scaring the hell out of me talking like we’re breaking up. Just—please, just come here,” he demands gently. I look up at his handsome face and shake my head sending fresh streams of tears rolling down my cheeks.
“No. I can’t do this with you—I won’t do this with you. You betrayed me—us—our plans. You know what Teddy’s death did to me—what it still does to me—to everyone!”
“Won’t do this with me? What’s that supposed to mean?” he narrows his eyes on me, clenching his jaw.
“I—it means I’m done,” I say raising my hands up in surrender. His eyes bug out and he reels backward as though I’ve hit him. My heart aches at the pained look on his face but I have to stick to what my gut is screaming. He deceived me! And if they send him off to war…
I’m scared senseless.
“Y—you’re breaking up with me?” The waver in his voice is something I’m not used to and this time I am the one stepping backward.
Never, my heart cries while slamming against my ribs but I keep my lips pressed together, refusing to answer him.
“You’re ditching me?” He steps closer, closing the open space between us. His warm hands grip my upper arms softly. He leans forward pressing his forehead against mine. He touches his lips against mine, feather soft and warm.