His blue eyes narrow. “Live? If you call putting yourself in danger living, then excuse me for giving a fuck and for ruining your fun.”
“Nothing was going on in there. If I were in danger, I would have known it,” I fire back, completely angry that he sees me as a silly twit who cannot take care of herself.
“That’s where you’re wrong, beautiful. This cruel world is far worse than you can imagine, and you wouldn’t know real danger if it bit you in the ass.”
His words have a ring of bitterness, and while I might not have experienced the same levels of hell he did, living with my father was no picnic either. I feel like I’ve grown up so much since I left Portland, and I’ve gotten better at detecting danger.
I rake my fingers through my hair and attempt to take a deep breath, but suddenly, I find it difficult to breathe, like I’m being smothered. “Maybe a few days apart will do us some good.” The words leave my mouth before I even realize I’ve said them out loud.
Xavier’s eyes widen, and I’m pretty sure I’ve shocked the hell out of him.
“Anna—”
“No, Xavier. I mean it. All we’ve been doing is fighting. You bite my head off when any man shows me the slightest bit of attention, yet you keep secrets from me all the time and basically tell me that another woman kissing you is none of my business.”
I can’t imagine living without this man, but I won’t be the next woman he grows tired of and tosses to the side. He once told me to demand respect, so that’s what I’m doing.
“It’s not like that, Anna. I told you, she meant nothing to me.”
He’s trying to talk his way out of the situation yet again, but he still hasn’t given me a real answer.
If he really loves me like he says, then he needs to come clean to me about what he was doing with Angie. We need to work this out before I leave for Tension. If I don’t know the truth, my mind will run wild about what he’s doing.
I fold my arms across my chest. “Then, tell me what she is to you.”
“I explained that to you.”
“No, you didn’t. You’ve refused to tell me why you were with her,” I snap.
He blows a rush of air out of his nose. “She gave me a ride back to my bike. That’s it. You have nothing to worry about when it comes to her.”
“How can I not worry? I’m about to leave town, and you’re surrounded by women who want to sleep with you.”
His eyes jerk down at me with a stare so intense that it causes a shudder to ripple down my spine. “And you don’t think I worry about that same fucking thing every minute of the goddamn day? Whenever we go out, all the male eyes around you can’t seem to peel themselves away from you. What if, one day, you figure out what a son of a bitch I am and leave me for someone better? God knows I’m not worthy of you, so I’m waiting on the day when you realize that too.”
His words sober me up, and I recall the conversation I had with Nettie.
I reach up and cup his face, so I can stare into his nearly see-through blue eyes. “I’ll never leave you.”
He closes his eyes as he leans into my touch. “You don’t know how hard I pray for that. Losing you is my biggest fear, so that’s why I fight like hell to keep you.”
“You have to stop being afraid of that. Not everyone in this world is going to leave you,” I whisper. “You have to allow yourself to have some good in your life. You need to let me in and trust me.”
He gazes into my eyes as he cradles my face in his hands. “That works two ways, beautiful. Some things I keep from you would cause you more harm than good if I told you about them. I don’t want you to worry, which is why I won’t tell you about the details of today. Just know that I’ve never loved anyone the way I love you, and I’d never do anything to hurt you. I promise you that. I’ve not thought about touching another woman since I’ve been with you. Trust me when I say, everything I do is to keep you safe.