X: Command Me through Alexander's Eyes - Geneva Lee Page 0,68
me see that I’d given him control over me instead. So when I say he broke me—that’s what I mean. I loved him, and he nearly killed me. At least, I thought I loved him.”
“And now?” I don’t know why it’s important. I shouldn’t want her to love me. I shouldn’t want to know her heart has never belonged to anyone else. But God, I want her to say no.
Her answering look is hard. A decision is being made, and her next words are carefully chosen. “Now…Let’s just say that distance has given me perspective. Although after today, I feel like I’ve been thrown back in time. I suppose no matter how far I’ve come, I can’t change what happened, and that means sometimes I have to face it.”
She can’t change it. She can only control it. She needs to control her body, and I…
“That’s why you ran when I brought up submission.”
She nods reluctantly as though she’d hoped I wouldn’t put these two things together.
“I can’t believe I…” I’ve spent my life in a perpetual state of self-loathing. For the first time ever, though, I hate myself completely. I hate that I need what she can’t give me. I hate that I’m weak. I’m no better than men like Daniel, demanding more than is my right, taking more than I give.
“No, X,” she says swiftly. “It wasn’t just that. It was the idea of any relationship.”
“My predilections certainly won’t help you.” And now she’s trying to soothe me when I’m supposed to be taking care of her.
She shakes her head. “I thought that at first, too. But you aren’t him, and I’m stronger now.”
“And your body?” Do the scars of what he said and did to her linger? “How do you feel about your body?”
She hesitates, which is an answer in and of itself. “Most days, I don’t think about it. I eat. I get dressed. I walk or run. Other days, I catch myself wishing I had a body like Pepper’s.”
That’s what she thinks? That I want someone like Pepper when I have her? I’m in motion before I even realize what I’m doing. Lifting her into my arms, I carry her to the loo. I need to show her what I see. I need her to see that she is breathtaking. I need her to understand she is everything any man could want—and everything I need.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Kicking open the door, I carry her to the mirror and lower her to her feet. She looks skeptically up at me, but she doesn’t fight my sudden actions. I spin her to face her own reflection and lean to kiss her neck as I draw the zipper of her dress down her back, revealing her smooth shoulders. “I’ve been remiss in telling you how I feel about your body. Your gorgeous cunt gets so much of my attention, but when I said your whole body was made for fucking, I meant it.”
I want to rip her clothes off. It takes restraint not to, but I’m not rushing this. I need her to understand me when I say she’s perfection. My lips cruise across her shoulder to the curve of her neck. “This—” I kiss the spot “—was made to kiss—so smooth and soft. When I’m burying my cock in your perfect cunt, I can’t help myself.”
I’ve fucked plenty of women, but none have drawn me to them like she does. I can’t stop myself from kissing her soft skin again, but I want more of her. I want to devour her. Before I realize it, my teeth nip the spot, and she moans. I smile as I realize she liked it. That bit of pain dashed into the pleasure.
This isn’t about you, I remind myself, moving back to undressing her as slowly as possible. My hand slides one strap of her dress down slowly, and I follow its path with hungry kisses.
“Long and slender. These freckles drive me crazy.” I prove it by pausing to kiss a few. “And the way they feel when they’re wrapped around me, clinging to me as I ride you—perfection.”
I clasp her hand, lifting our entwined hands to her shoulder so I can kiss each knuckle. “Such clever fingers. I hate when they aren’t intertwined with mine, unless they’re on my cock, of course.”
She nods absently, her eyes meeting mine in the reflection. I wonder if she sees how beautiful she is yet, how much I want her, how desperate I am to keep her.