Wrong Question, Right Answer (The Bourbon Street Boys #3) - Elle Casey Page 0,36
broken glass.
I’m crying as I pause to yell at the ceiling. “Why?! Is this part of my punishment, God? Is this what I get? A lifetime of repenting? A lifetime of ruining someone else’s life too?” I see a mirror on the wall throwing my ugly image back at me and go after it with both hands out.
Right before I get there, as I’m reaching to rip it off the wall, steel bands close around me from behind. Lucky is there and he’s got me locked down in a full body hold.
“Let me go! Let me go, dammit!” I strain to get away and only manage to lift my legs up at the waist. Lucky holds strong, refusing to release me.
“No.” He’s grunting from the effort of holding on to me. “You need to calm down before you destroy your house.”
“I don’t care if I destroy my house.” Twisting left and right doesn’t earn my release, and neither does squeezing his arteries at the wrists. I’m going to tell Dev tomorrow how shitty his escape techniques are.
“You’ll care later, trust me. Just calm down and we’ll talk this through. This is not the end of the world, Toni. I’m not that big of an asshole.”
It’s him blaming himself that causes me to finally pause. My body just sags when I realize that he thinks I hate him. I don’t hate him at all. I hate me.
Lucky drags me over to the couch that now has no pillows on it and we fall down onto it together. He grunts when his butt hits the heavy boards that make up the frame of the old settee.
“If I let you go, are you going to break something?” he asks right next to my ear.
“I might.” I stick my chin out, being stubborn, even though I know I’ve lost the will to destroy my little world. I’m already regretting the vase. Thank goodness Lucky stopped me before I ruined that mirror. That was one of my grandmother’s favorites.
“I’m not an asshole. I’ll stand by you, no matter what.”
I struggle to break free, but he’s not letting me go.
“Why does it make you so angry when I say that?”
“Because. I don’t think you’re an asshole, and you don’t need to stand by me. I can take care of myself.”
Lucky slides me over and off his legs so that we’re sitting side by side. He forces me to turn and look at him by twisting me toward him. Someone seeing us from the outside would think we were sitting on the couch embracing, when in actuality he’s forcing me to look at the emotions written all over his face. They’re too intense. I don’t want to see what I think his heart is telling me. I don’t deserve his kindness.
“You don’t have to do everything alone,” he says in a soft, kind voice. It’s almost pleading in a way. “You have a family. You have me.” He shakes me a little, and I can feel his biceps flexing against my arm and back.
“I don’t have you, you. I have the team, and I have Thibault.” I don’t want Lucky pledging himself to me because he thinks he might have gotten me pregnant. That’s not what we’re doing here. This is not a game I am capable of playing and winning. I’ve already lost enough.
His voice is calmer than mine. “I know you’re angry, and I know you’re lashing out right now, so I’m going to let that slide.”
I shake my head at him. “This is not me angry. This is me being honest. You should know the difference.”
He shakes his head at me, joining the battle of wills. “Toni, when are you going to figure out that I do know you? I’ve known you since we were kids. You can’t hide from me. You can’t pretend you don’t care when you do. I know you’re scared, and I know you’re in panic mode right now, but I don’t think you need to be. This shit happens all the time, and people get through it fine.”
I press my lips together to keep them from trembling. “We are not other people. We’re different. I’m different.”
He gives me a sad little smile. “I’ll concede that you’re special, but I won’t agree that there’s something wrong with you, which is what I think you’re insinuating.”
I’ve run out of energy to fight. I’m so tired now, all I want to do is go to bed. “Lucky, let me go.”