Wrong Question, Right Answer (The Bourbon Street Boys #3) - Elle Casey Page 0,107

like I’m a couple months away from giving birth, when I actually have four left.

While shopping, I help myself to a few pairs of jeans that have an elastic pouch in the front instead of a zipper and button. I’ve been keeping my regular jeans closed with a rubber band for several weeks now, but it’s starting to get uncomfortable. I breathe a sigh of relief when I slide my new preggo-jeans on Monday morning.

I’m up early for work, but instead of going directly to the port, I head over to the cemetery to pay a visit to Charlie’s grave. So many things are going to happen to me this week, but it seems like none of them will have any meaning until I do this one thing first.

I haven’t been to his resting place in a long time, but it seems appropriate, since I’m going to be seeing his mother tonight, and soon I’ll be watching my life change into something it never could have been with him in it. I have the sense that I’m finally ready to say a real goodbye to him.

I sit down next to his headstone and pluck little blades of grass, building up the courage I need to say the things that have finally become clear in my mind. A slight breeze blows strands of hair over my face as I talk. “Hey, Charlie. Hope you’re okay. I’m sure you are.” I always assumed Charlie went to heaven. Even though he was a shit to me sometimes—okay, maybe a lot of times—he wasn’t all bad. We shared some good times. I wouldn’t have stayed with him for five years if that weren’t the case. He never stooped so low as to kill anyone, unlike me.

I pluck more blades of grass. “I don’t know if you bother checking on my life, but it’s gotten pretty crazy.” I pause, considering the fact that I’m talking to a ghost who probably wants to haunt my sorry ass. I wait to see if I feel anything or sense his presence. Nothing comes, other than some jostling from the babies. They seem to like it when I talk, so I continue.

“I’m pregnant with twins. You’re probably not too shocked to know that Lucky is the father. I know you were always jealous of him and you used to accuse me of having an affair with him, but you were always wrong about that. I never did anything with him until you were gone. Long gone.” I sigh, feeling like I’m sitting in a confessional. It’s not the worst feeling I’ve had.

“Since I’m being honest, I should probably admit that I’ve had feelings for Lucky for a long time. Since before you and me.” My smile is sad when I think about how things worked out. Maybe I shouldn’t have walked away from Lucky all those years ago, but it’s too late to change that now. “He’s the reason I went with you. I had to get him and that kiss we shared out of my head, and you were the answer. You were the only thing strong enough to snuff that out. I guess you were too good at it.” I sigh. “I’m sorry I used you that way, Charlie. It wasn’t fair at all.”

My mind struggles with what to say next. I believe that people who’ve passed on can watch over us and communicate sometimes, but I don’t know if he’s listening to me. Why would he? I’m the reason he’s here in the ground.

“I have a plan, Charlie. I’m going to go visit your mother.” Just saying the words aloud makes my heart race with both anticipation and fear. “I know she never really liked me when you were alive, and after what I did, she hates me, but I feel like I really need to do it anyway.” A flash of memory hits me: the night I called Rowdy from the bar. “I could apologize to one of your brothers, but it wouldn’t be the same. I’m going to be a mom soon, and I think I get it now. You were a part of her, and I took that away. I stole you from her like a thief. No matter what you did to me, that fact still stands. Our abusive relationship has no bearing on what I did to her.” I’m angry at myself that it took me so long to figure this out. Self-defense or not, it makes no difference to Eunice;