I feel like crying. I’ve always wanted to have a man in my life who I could count on, who would protect me and my children when the poo hits the fan. It just didn’t work out that way for me, but that doesn’t necessarily mean it has to be that way for everyone. Maybe Dev is the whole package. Maybe he’s a good dad and a good man, too. He’s going to make a great husband someday if that’s the case.
I realize as I have this thought that I’m really happy for my sister. Even though she has to work with these nutballs, she has a man by her side who I know would take a bullet for her. And he’s great with his dog, Sahara, and May’s dog, Felix, so maybe he’ll be a good dad, too. I could almost imagine that whatever bullet hit him wouldn’t penetrate. He looks like a superhero. And now, when I look at Dev, I see those same qualities in him.
He nods, accepting my unspoken apology.
“You have to understand—this kind of stuff is just not normal for me. And it’s not normal for my sister, either. I honestly don’t understand why she’s working here.” It feels really good to say that out loud.
Dev just kind of stares at me, and I’m having a hard time reading his expression and his body language. “Why are you looking at me like that?”
“I’m just wondering if you’re telling me the truth, or if you’re telling me what you want the truth to be.”
“I’m telling you the truth, of course.” How rude. What’s he even saying? I’m back to being miffed at him again. It’s like riding a roller coaster just sitting across from him and chatting about what should be nothing.
He goes into silent mode once more.
My good humor levels are quickly draining down to zero. “Do you want to explain yourself?” I resist the urge to start tapping my toe.
He shrugs. “The question is, do you want me to explain myself?”
I cross my arms over my chest and sit back deeper into my chair. “Yes, I do, Dev. I would love for you to explain to me what you think it is I’m thinking or saying.” Shuh, right. He doesn’t know me.
“You’re the big sister, right?” He doesn’t seem intimidated at all by my challenge.
“Yes.” I don’t know why I’m feeling defensive about the fact that I fall first in the birth order, but it seems like a demerit in this evaluation or whatever it is he’s conducting.
He tilts his head. “My guess is that when you guys were growing up, you were the protector. Am I right?”
I look around the room a little bit before answering. It’s really pissing me off that he’s already guessing correctly about my life. He’s only known me for an hour, and I never got the impression from May that she and Dev have ever sat down and had any meaningful conversations before. I hate to think I’m such an open book. Open books are boring; being mysterious is way sexier.
I almost laugh out loud. Me. Sexy? Ha! Maybe ten years ago, but not now, and not in my near future, either.
Dev is waiting for my answer. I hate to admit he’s right, but what’s true is true. “I might have been her protector. From time to time.”
“No, I’d say it was probably more often than that.”
I roll my eyes. Busted. “Whatever.”
“There was something going on in your family that was really difficult for both of you. Maybe you had a parent who was hard to live with?”
I unfold my arms and rest my hands on the edges of the chair, pushing myself upright. I think I’m experiencing that sensation that’s described as being on the hot seat. And these dining room lights feel just a little bit too bright. Dark memories involving my father’s drinking and the aggression that always followed are pounding on that locked door in my brain. Bail out! Bail out! You’re going down!
“That’s a pretty personal question, don’t you think?”
“You asked me what I thought, and I’m telling you. When you look at your sister, I’m guessing you see a flighty, irresponsible yet intelligent girl who still needs your protection . . . from time to time.” He winks at me to take the sting out of his mockery.
I really, really want to argue with this man, but he’s making it very difficult. He just