and he’d let her down. After her mother’s death, he had not been there for her. He’d not been there for anyone. Maclean would have gone to rot and ruin if she hadn’t stepped up and done her best to keep it running. As for Gavin, despite Aunt Glenna’s hopes, her father hadn’t been there for him either. and Evina had been left the chore of raising her cousin as well.
Evina knew she’d done a terrible job of both tasks at first. Fortunately, Donnan, Tildy and the other soldiers and servants had done their best to aid her where they could. They’d left the final decisions up to her, but had tried to steer her in the right direction. Evina had grown up quickly, taking care of her cousin and all of Maclean in her father’s stead. She’d even taken care of her father, insisting he eat when he wanted to skip his meals, taking away the liquor when he began to depend on it too heavily. And even when the first mourning and depression passed after her mother’s death, he didn’t bounce back and take up the reins of his responsibilities again. He’d decided she was doing a fine job, named Donnan as his first, replacing the man who had died trying to save her mother and husband, and announced that she’d inherit the title of clan chief when he died. He’d then gone hunting, and fishing, and visiting old friends.
Dear God, she hated him for it, Evina admitted to herself.
And she loved him, she acknowledged grimly.
And that was why she’d lied to herself. Evina loved him for the father he’d been before her mother’s death, and hated him for the weak, helpless man he’d become when her mother had died, and the burdens that had placed on her young shoulders. It shouldn’t have been like that. Conran certainly wouldn’t have fallen apart as her father had. He’d have dragged himself from his bed and done what needed doing. She was sure of it. And if he hadn’t, his brothers and Saidh would have descended on him and dragged him from his bed and made him do it, helping him fight his way through his grief until he could manage on his own.
Her father hadn’t had brothers and sisters like the Buchanans though, Evina acknowledged. Instead, he’d had one sister who had arrived on his doorstep a few short months later, dying. Another sorrow to pile on top of his grief. And then she’d left Gavin in his care, adding another burden to Evina’s shoulders. Not that she minded. Gavin had been the only bright spot in her life at that point. He might even have been her saving grace. She’d had to continue for him.
And that was the hell of it, Evina thought unhappily. She’d often wanted to give up and spend her days moping and weeping over what she’d lost as her father did, but hadn’t been able to because of Gavin, and the people of Maclean. She’d had to be strong for them. Her father, however, hadn’t done that. Not for them, and not for his own daughter.
“Bloody hell,” Evina muttered, giving her head a shake. This was her wedding day. It was no time for soul searching and dealing with issues that couldn’t be resolved. There was nothing that could be done to change the past. It was over. Now was the time to look to the future, and her future was the man she was going to marry. Conran.
Evina breathed out slowly, just the thought of him calming her somewhat. Aye, Conran was nothing like her father. He would not let her down. And if he did, Saidh would help her kick his arse, she thought, and smiled.
Tildy was right. She was marrying into a large family who put their family first. They would be there, not just for Conran, but for her now too. As well as for any children they had, she thought, and decided then that Conran had the right of it. They should have a lot of children, seven or eight like Conran’s parents had had. That way, if she and Conran died, they would all have each other to depend on.
Smiling faintly, she peered down at the skirts of the lovely gown she wore, recalling Geordie’s and Alick’s reactions to seeing her in it.
The day ye mistook Conran fer Rory was the luckiest day o’ his life, m’lady. Ye’re absolutely stunning , Geordie had said, and Evina wondered if