The Wraiths of Will and Pleasure - By Storm Constantine Page 0,249

world, no landscape, but only a formless vortex of power.’ Nevertheless, she took Lileem’s bowl with her to Kalalim, and didn’t give it back.

When Lileem watched Aleeme at play, it made her weep. She remembered being a harling herself and how the world had been full of wonder then. Aleeme would run up to her and throw flowers into her lap. ‘Don’t cry,’ he’d say. So she’d cry some more.

Opalexian was concerned about Lileem’s depression and sent her personal healers to help. This did some good and after a few months, Lileem was able to function again. Her body recovered, even if her heart still felt as heavy as the stone she’d tried to bring back to this world with her.

Flick and Ulaume arranged to perform their blood-bond in the spring. Lileem asked, tentatively, if Terez would come. The answer was no. Opalexian had forbidden Terez to return to Shilalama, under any circumstances. Once, Mima went to visit Terez at Pell’s estate in Almagabra. Pellaz came to fetch her. Lileem could tell Mima felt guilty because Lileem couldn’t go. ‘Just give him my love,’ Lileem said.

When she returned, Mima took care not to enthuse too much about her visit. She spoke a lot about Pell’s wonderful country estate, but very little about Terez himself. Lileem asked about him, and Mima said, ‘He’s well, Lee. Pell takes care of him.’

‘Does he miss me?’

‘Of course.’

Lileem could tell this was not the truth. Terez was her Chelone: the har who’d desired her, but whose desire could not withstand the terrible reality of their intimacy. He believed she’d kept him from home for years, and perhaps she had. He’d left Shilalama without saying goodbye to her, angry because she’d nearly ruined their chance to get home when it came. She dreamed of him nearly every night. She dreamed of them together, taking aruna like normal hara. It was too painful. Eventually, she asked Opalexian’s healers for medicine to stop her dreaming.

Old friends came to visit Lileem and sometimes, late at night, when much wine had been consumed, some were brave enough to ask questions about what had happened with Terez. Lileem kept the promise of silence that she’d sworn to Opalexian, but not because she wanted to please the Kamagrian leader. She knew that Opalexian was right: no other parage should attempt what Lileem had done. Although Lileem believed it was the most important thing that had ever happened to her, she didn’t think any parage of her acquaintance was fit to follow in her footsteps. Such knowledge did not concern them. They lived the safe life that Opalexian had designed for them. When asked, she would say, ‘It was the worst thing I ever did. I’m lucky to be alive. It’s damaged me forever.’

Her friends could look at her haunted eyes and know this was the truth. Eventually, the questions stopped. Lileem had become useful to Opalexian: she was a living example of what could happen if a parage was stupid enough to take aruna with a har.

Mima, Flick and Ulaume all tried to encourage Lileem to talk, to share her feelings, but it was difficult. She felt there was no point to it. They could not help her and the things that made her sad would never change.

The blood-bond ceremony ended up as a huge party, with every high-ranking Roselane invited as guests. Flick and Ulaume spoke vows to one another that they’d taken months to craft perfectly, and Opalexian herself officiated. In the orchard of their home, with all the trees in full blossom, she cut their arms lightly and bound them together. She spoke the words of a beautiful ritual, conjuring tears in the eyes of all who listened.

Lileem stood beneath the trees, with white petals falling down upon her. She thought how lovely Ulaume and Flick looked, and how close they were. At one time, they’d virtually hated one another, and bizarrely enough, it had been Terez who’d brought them together. Aleeme stood gravely at Opalexian’s side, handing her ritual items when she needed them. Lileem could tell it would not be long before he was adult. Mima stood at the front of the crowd with Pellaz and Kate, tears of joy running down her face. Pellaz had his arm around his sister. They were like twins.

Lileem watched them all, and it was as if she was a ghost who had come back to the living to observe their happiness on this special day. I will not be here