The deceivers and the lying sycophants have no place in my life. I don’t have to endure that kind of dishonesty.” He captured her hand with his own and brought it to his lips. “There’s nothing to endure with you. Every moment with you is the best I’ve known. I know you, Jess. I trust you. With everything.”
Now is the time. She had to feel how his heart sped up as he spoke the words he had never said before. “I have feelings for you, Jess. Strong feelings. I don’t want you to go to the Continent.” He held her steady with his gaze. “Stay here, with me.”
Her soft, loose-limbed body stiffened. The moment he felt the change in her, icy fear stole through him. That fear grew and became monstrous as she disentangled herself from his embrace.
She rose from the bed. Lifting himself up on his elbows, he watched her as she hunted down her nightgown and drew it on. Her face was a tight mask and she blinked hard, as if chasing away tears.
“Jess?”
“I—” She grabbed her shawl and threw it over her shoulders. When she finally met his gaze, her eyes were tormented, and her lower lip trembled.
Remorse. That was what he saw in her face. A scouring sorrow that took the beautiful pleasure they’d made and turned it into something ashen and cold.
She dashed her knuckles across her eyes. “I can’t, Noel. I can’t—”
Then she was gone, fleeing so quickly she barely had time to close the door behind her. Alone, naked, stripped bare of everything that had once protected him, Noel lay back in his vast, empty bed and stared at the canopy overhead.
What have I done?
Chapter 23
“I can’t speak for you,” Lady Haighe said as she and Jess waited in the foyer while their luggage was loaded onto the carriage. “But I will be exceedingly happy to return to London today. Mind, His Grace’s house is lovely, and portrait-perfect Wiltshire farms are delightful—but there’s not enough to gossip about in the country.”
Jess attempted a smile. Weariness made her bones heavy as iron—she’d been unable to sleep—and she felt ready to break apart at the slightest touch. “I’m certain you’ve missed nothing of importance while we’ve been away.”
“Let us hope so.” Lady Haighe sniffed. “It is so dull out of the city.”
Jess couldn’t agree. In the two nights that she had been away from London, her life had careened between exalted heights and profound lows. She pressed a hand to her throbbing head. Lack of sleep always gave her a headache, and now was no exception.
“Still waiting?”
Nerves alight, Jess turned at the sound of Noel’s voice. He descended the front stairs, and in his elegant traveling clothing, with his freshly shaven face and artfully tousled hair, he was every inch the polished, perfect duke. One would never know from looking at him that only eight hours ago he’d been begging her for sexual release, or that he’d pleasured her with his mouth until she’d thought she would perish from ecstasy.
This morning, she learned that she could be both anguished and aroused at the same time.
She tried not to flinch from his searching gaze as he reached the foyer. What could she tell him? She wished from the very depths of her soul that she could say, I have feelings for you, too. I want to stay with you. Because she did. She wished so much it was a steady agony beneath her skin.
He deserved to hear those words spoken to him. But he couldn’t—not from her. Not when she didn’t deserve his adoration or his company.
“Mr. Vale said it would be only a few more minutes until we were ready to leave.” Somehow, she managed to speak levelly. “He offered for everyone to finish their breakfasts at leisure. Lady Haighe seemed especially eager to get our journey underway, so I opted to keep her company as she waited out here.” Also, for Jess, the prospect of eating was entirely impossible.
Noel offered Lady Haighe an easy smile. But Jess saw the tiny lines bracketing his mouth, and, upon closer inspection, there were shadows beneath his eyes. She’d done that—cost him his peace because of her deception.
He said, “Eager to return to London’s bustle, Lady Haighe?”
“There’s a decided lack of scandal in the country.” The older woman harrumphed.
Jess’s gaze automatically found Noel’s, remembering their words to each other. She’d never forget the sight of him stroking himself at her command.
“Although,” Lady Haighe added slyly, “things were emphatically