World Without End Page 0,364

Jeremiah. They were too scared to think straight. There was nothing more he could do.

They decided to take no action on the election for prioress, and soon afterwards the meeting broke up in somewhat bad humour, the members taking burning sticks from the fire to light their way home.

Merthin decided it was too late to report to Caris - the nuns, like the monks, went to bed at nightfall and got up in the early hours of the morning. However, there was a figure wrapped in a big wool cloak waiting outside the guild hall, and to his surprise his torch revealed the troubled face of Caris. "What happened?" she said anxiously.

"I failed," he said. "I'm sorry."

In the torchlight she looked wounded. "What did they say?"

"They won't intervene. They believed the sermon."

"Fools."

Together they walked down the main street. At the priory gates, Merthin said: "Leave the nunnery, Caris. Not for my sake, but for your own. You can't work under Elizabeth. She hates you, and she'll block everything you want to do."

"She hasn't won yet."

"She will, though - you said so yourself. Renounce your vows, and marry me."

"Marriage is a vow. If I break my vow to God, why would you trust me to keep my promise to you?"

He smiled. "I'll risk it."

"Let me think about it."

"You've been thinking about it for months," Merthin said with resentment. "If you don't leave now, you never will."

"I can't leave now. People need me more than ever."

He began to feel angry. "I won't keep asking for ever."

"I know."

"In fact, I won't ask you again, after tonight."

She began to cry. "I'm sorry, but I can't abandon the hospital in the midst of a plague."

"The hospital."

"And the people of the town."

"But what about yourself?"

The flame of his torch made her tears glisten. "They need me so badly."

"They're ungrateful, all of them - nuns, monks, townspeople. I should know, by God."

"It makes no difference."

He nodded, accepting her decision, suppressing his selfish anger. "It that's how you feel, you must do your duty."

"Thank you for understanding."

"I wish this had turned out differently."

"So do I."

"You'd better take this torch."

"Thank you."

She took the burning branch from his hand and turned away. He watched her, thinking: Is this how it ends? Is this all? She walked away with her characteristic stride, determined and confident, but her head was bowed. She passed through the gateway and disappeared.

The lights of the Bell shone cheerfully through the gaps around the shutters and the door. He went inside.

The last few customers were saying drunken farewells, and Sairy was collecting tankards and wiping tables. Merthin checked on Lolla, who was fast asleep, and paid the girl who had been watching her. He thought of going to bed, but he knew he would not sleep. He was too upset. Why had he run out of patience tonight, as opposed to any other time? He had got angry. But his anger came from fear, he realized as he calmed down. Underneath it all, he was terrified that Caris would catch the plague and die.

He sat on a bench in the parlour of the inn and took off his boots. He stayed there, staring into the fire, wondering why he could not have the one thing in life that he wanted most.

Bessie came in and hung up her cloak. Sairy left, and Bessie locked up. She sat opposite Merthin, taking the big chair that her father had always used. "I'm sorry about what happened at the guild," she said. "I'm not sure who's right, but I know you're disappointed."

"Thank you for supporting me, anyway."

"I'll always support you."

"Perhaps it's time for me to stop fighting Caris's battles."

"I agree with that. But I can see that it makes you sad."

"Sad and angry. I seem to have wasted half my life waiting for Caris."

"Love is never wasted."

He looked up at her, surprised. After a pause, he said: "You're a wise person."

"There's no one else in the house, except for Lolla," she said. "All the Christmas guests have left." She got up from her chair and knelt in front of him. "I'd like to comfort you," she said. "Any way I can."

He looked at her round, friendly face and felt his body stir in response. It was such a long time since he had held the soft body of a woman in his arms. But he shook his head. "I don't want to use you."

She smiled. "I'm not asking you to marry me. I'm not even