The World According to Vince - Jane Harvey-Berrick Page 0,95
us a kiss, Nkechi!”
The elephant ran her trunk lovingly over Vince’s head, making him laugh as his eyes sparkled with happiness.
Then Nkechi sprayed a trunkful of water right over his head, and I swear she laughed as Vince howled like a wolf.
That’s my guy, I thought to myself. Life will never be dull, not while Vince is in my world.
Fascinating Factoid: elephants purr like cats when they’re happy. They also have a sense of humor.
THE END
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Vince’s English-American Glossary
Arse – ass
Birds – women
Bloody hell – oh dear
Bog – slang word for a toilet
Bopped – hit (in this context; sometimes it means danced like a dork)
Brickie – brick layer/construction worker
Burk – idiot (when Vince calls the district attorney ‘Burk-ly’, he’s being a bit cheeky!)
Cack handed – clumsy
Char – tea, made with boiling water on tea leaves, steeped for five minutes, then milk added to taste. (Lemon is only acceptable with Earl Grey tea, just sayin’.)
Conk – nose
Dead sensitive – very sensitive
the Dog’s Bollocks – very good
Doing me head in – giving me a headache
Feel it in me water – feel it deep inside, bone-deep
Fook, Fooker, Fookin’ – a term of affection, in a northern (British) accent, or possibly a term of derision: context is all
Git – jerk
Grotty – dirty
Grub – food
Hen party – bachelorette party
Innit – isn’t it
Keks – trousers, pants
Knob-head – jerk, idiot
Lad – boy
Lass – girl
Little bugs / beasties – dogs, animals that you like
Me Lud – My Lord, a term used in a British courtroom when speaking to a male judge
Mate – friend
Me – My
Naff – dumb, stupid
Nippy around the nethers – chilly around the groin area
Nowt – nothing
Nuff said – enough said
Played a blinder – done a good job (cricketing or rugby term)
Plonker – jerk (affectionate)
Polishing one’s knob – having sex
Poxy – small or small and unpleasant
Shagged – slept with
Shite – shit
Shirty – irritable
Skint - broke, without money
Soppy – silly
Sorted – Job done
Snuffed it – died
Stag party – bachelor party
Tart – prostitute eg. ‘the tart with a heart’
Tarted up – dressed nicely with makeup on; or dressed like a hooker – go figure!
Todger – penis
Tosser/wanker – jerk
Totty – an attractive woman
Twat – jerk
Acknowledgements
Huge thanks to Tonya Bass Allen and her boss Gary Burbank, Attorney at Law, for helping with legal questions—although we did play rather fast and loose with the laws and rules according to real life. Luckily, this is the world according to Vince, so the rules don’t always count ☺
Tonya was also editor-in-chief for this book.
Aiding and abetting, Lara Herrera was proofreader-in-chief.
Here, Lara and I are in a hugging sandwich with the very lovely Gergo Jonas.
Thanks to Sharon Tomás for jazzing up my website and lending me her name to Vince’s arresting police officer, and to Elisabetta Finotello for Uncle Sal’s Italian, as well as misappropriation of her surname.
And finally, thank you to Rachel Williams for advising on Rick and Cady’s Interfaith wedding – we hope we didn’t take too much artistic licence!
Meet Vincent Azzopardi
Against all the odds, Vince is a real person. Stu met him on a photoshoot in the US, then again when he and Jane travelled to Brazil. Much of what you’ve read about Vince in this book really happened: he really was an Armani catwalk model, he really does model a range of S&M underwear on his IG page, and his tooth really did fall out while he and Stu were sharing a room. It really was ice-white, and they really did struggle to find it on white sheets.
He really does rescue dogs, and Tap is a real beastie, too.
Happily, Vince is not the knob-head portrayed in this book, but a lovely guy who loaned his name and image to the story. Thanks, Vince! (Or possibly, sorry, Vince!)
His fiancée is a brave woman!
More about Stu Reardon & Jane Harvey-Berrick
Sometimes you meet people, and sometimes you meet people and they become friends. That’s our story. From first contact at a book event in Edinburgh, then again in Dublin, we’ve gone on to travel to Rio de Janeiro, Paris, São Paolo, Lille, London and Denver with our books. We’ve written together, laughed together, and even done a sky dive together #teamdare
Stu is a great cook. Jane isn’t. Jane has cooked for Stu and his fiancée, Emma—there’s trust.