The World According to Vince - Jane Harvey-Berrick Page 0,56

the wedding tomorrow,” Davy said with a threatening leer before bursting into loud laughter.

Cady picked up a bread roll to toss at him but her mom grabbed her hand and made her put it back.

Rick’s parents were watching it all like a tennis match, wondering if there was an umpire.

“Doug and I married when we were in our late thirties,” said Rabbi Buchdahl with a calming smile, putting an end to that conversation.

Vince leaned toward me and whispered, “Fook me! I should have brought me tin hat! Those two grans are lethal!”

I nodded. “I think they’re just warming up.”

“Are you two young men married?” asked Nana Dubicki as she looked over at Leon and Ben. “Or are you homosexuals?”

“Mom!” yelped Cady’s mother.

“What? I can’t say ‘homosexual’?” Nana Dubicki frowned.

“Er, no, we’re just mates,” Leon said, tugging at his collar. “Um, friends. Former teammates. We were in a rugby team with Rick.”

“Rugby? That’s like football without helmets, isn’t it? No wonder all you boys get concussions. Does it affect your memory?”

“I’m not sure,” Leon said with a straight face. “I’ve forgotten.”

Ben coughed into his napkin, and Davy laughed out loud.

“I can’t eat this spicy food,” Grandma Callaghan complained, poking at her starter course.

“It’s only got a little black pepper on it, Mom,” Cady’s dad sighed.

“Like I said, far too spicy, it gives me terrible gas.”

“I’ll ask the chef to make you a plain salad, Gran,” Cady said with a gentle smile. “No pepper.”

“Thank you, dear. I hope you’ll learn to cook now that you’re about to be married. The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.”

“Or his dick,” Vince whispered. “Best to start with a bit of dick and order take-out.”

“This pear and blue cheese salad is delicious,” I said loudly, elbowing Vince in the ribs as he grinned at me.

“It’s nice to see you looking so well, Grace dear,” said Grandma Callaghan. “You were always such a skinny Minnie but you’ve got a little more meat on your bones these days. Men like a little meat.”

Cady’s Uncle Gerald went red in the face as he tried not to laugh, and everyone else suddenly found their plates fascinating as Davy added, “I prefer fish.”

I know that Cady’s grandma didn’t mean to upset me, and I was well aware that both grans had no filter, but I hated my size being discussed like that. My throat closed up so I couldn’t eat another bite.

“Ignore the old bat,” said Vince, throwing his arm around the back of my chair. “You’re fookin’ gorgeous.”

Cady threw me a commiserating look, then took charge. “How are your piles now, Grandma? Are they still giving you trouble?”

“Oh, yes, I’m a martyr to my bowels, dear. When I went to see Dr. Smithson, he said that I should sit in a warm salt bath for 20 minutes every morning. But who has time to do that? Besides, those cashiers at the market are nosy—they’d ask what I wanted with all that salt. And I’m hardly going to talk about my piles in public.”

She sounded so indignant, I couldn’t help smiling.

“Can we not talk about bodily functions or illnesses while we’re eating,” said Cady’s mom firmly, then turned to Vincent. “Tell us about your plans for the Canine Crusader, please!”

“Oh, yes,” said Rabbi Buchdahl excitedly. “We donated to your campaign. It was wonderful. We have two rescue pugs at home: Sid and Ollie.”

Vince threw her his patented grin. “Cheers, Rabbi! That was fookin’ fab of you. Well, I’ve got a few ideas and I’m definitely going to do another fashion show next year. Maybe an underwear special. I’ve started a new clothing line for dog-lovers—boxers and briefs with paw prints on them. Gracie’s tried them—they’re alright, in’t they?”

I blushed as everyone turned to stare at me. “Very comfortable,” I muttered.

“Ooh, awesome!” said Cady. “Can I have some of those for Rick—he’d look so cute! Do they come in gold?”

Now Rick was blushing and his parents looked utterly bemused.

“And I’m working with a designer for S&M underwear with a dog theme—we’re looking at what we can do with studded collars and vegan leather,” Vince announced cheerfully.

“Leather underwear?” Nana Dubicki questioned. “Won’t that chafe?”

The table exploded in laughter as the old lady kept repeating,

“What? What did I say?”

But I did notice Cady’s Uncle Gerald asking Vince for details of his IG page.

Soon after we’d reached the dessert stage, Cady rattled a spoon against her champagne glass and stood up.

“Unaccustomed as I am to speaking in public…” she grinned as everyone